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Something’s not right

Night Time

Night Time

That scene in Back to the Future 2 where Marty senior is watching TV but he has like 10 different stations playing all at once--that is my brain right now.

Don't even know what I'm thinking any more, it's just a static mess. So many thoughts and memories playing all at once it's confusing and frustrating.

Keep waking up in the early hours of the night thinking and hoping it's almost time to get up. But it never is. Knowing I'll be whiling away the next few hours like this feels like torture. But then when morning comes it's a battle to get out of bed.

I don't like to use the term flashback, I'm not a label person. I always feel like if I use those terms it takes away from others who have more severe problems. I can read about what it is to have a flashback for someone with CPTSD and I can check all the boxes, and inside I guess I know, but I still feel guilt. Like I'm not entitled to those terms. I guess maybe because it was drilled into my head that I was at fault. Maybe that's why I find it hard to use those terms? Because it places blame/responsibility onto someone else? Never even mentioned CPTSD on here before for the above reasons. Only ever been able to refer to my condition as PTSD.

I think, yeah, I guess it was flashback kind of material last week. It was very intense. When the physical component of it strikes it makes it so much harder to deal with. I still have this lingering nausea from it. If I even start to think about it my head starts pounding. Intensity of it has eased up greatly now though. Enough that I can start distancing myself from it all. I had absolutely no control over my thoughts or memories when that kicked in. Just kept ticking over, playing through, again and again. But it's confusing. I consciously have been aware of that instance where my mother was belting my brother. It's not a new memory. But after talking to my brother about all that other stuff, when that memory came up for me this time it came with a boat load of intense feelings. Like in my head I was there again. And I felt all the terror, the desperation, the overwhelming sadness, like I was there. Like I was still sitting on my bed and crying my little eyes out. It's up there with one of my most painful memories, but it's not at the top of the list. But I don't think I've ever experienced a flash back quite this intense before. That's also confusing. You'd think the severity of symptoms would directly relate to the severity of the traumatic memory. Perhaps I haven't been able to process the other events as completely as this one. So maybe it's a good thing? Good isn't the right word. Progress? I don't know. Gritting my teeth as I write this. Poor teeth. Woke up because I do this crazy thing with my jaw sometimes and it knocks my teeth together pretty hard. Two chipped teeth and another with a fracture because of it. Still won't go back to the dentist though.

Well, that was a long ramble. I feel a little lighter after prattling on though. Maybe that's what I need to do to get through the nights right now. Rather than tossing and turning for hours, maybe I'll just pour it out here. Maybe will start a new thread for it though. Maybe should just copy and paste this into a new thread now. OK.

1693 replies

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In response to: Night Time

Re: Night Time

Yup!!!!

@saltandpepper

Now I have to sit and wondering he's hurting himself!!! Just love my screwed up "life"

In response to: Re: Night Time

Re: Night Time

Yeah that's not a good dynamic there hey? I know he's got shit going on but I mean he's gotta be responsible for his choices. Yeah and he's not just gotten a tattoo, but all the other help and care he needs as well as the Hell he's put his family through recently. And taking off like that he must know it's going to worry you. And I think that's important to hold on to, he could be doing this just to worry you. Doesn't mean he is thinking to do anything, just probably trying to get that power and control back.

I think when he comes home maybe he needs a talking to. He can't take off like that no matter what's going on. He kind of lost the freedom to do that when he tried hurting himself. It's not fair on you or your other son to leave you guys stressing out like this. You shouldn't be put in a position where you're afraid if you don't give him what he's demanding that he'll go and hurt himself. No one can live like that.

And really, fu*king hell mate. If you don't got money for smokes suck it up. He'll have to learn to either go without for a while or swap it out for a healthy coping strategy. And given the shit he's put himself through he should be focusing on doing what he can to take care of his body, not trashing it.

You aren't responsible for his actions @Anastasia and he is acting incredibly immature and selfish with all of this. The balls he must have to even ask you to get him smokes, and on top of that because he spent his money on tattoos, that is just fu*ked up.

In response to: Re: Night Time

Re: Night Time

I'm also not liking his complete lack of consideration for what you were going through re your appointment. That's a bit cold @Anastasia

In response to: Re: Night Time

Re: Night Time

Touche @saltandpepper

Sorry to share a glimpse of my world

I have to take some responsibility around the behaviour. I think I enabled alot of it because I lived in fear I'll lose him for the last couple of years. He knows it too. I'm better now, hence today I said no to buying smokes but I haven't always been so strong. Created a bit of a monster for want of a better word. The truth is money's tight so had to say no. The medical costs of late are more than I earn. Otherwise maybe I would have been weak and just said Fu(k it get your smokes, don't know.

I loathe him smoking. I smoked most of my life. Struggled countless times to give up. Nearly di3d few years back. Arghhh he gives his body grief by smoking, chain smoking and then going without cause he has no money, such a vicious cycle.

In response to: Re: Night Time

Re: Night Time


@saltandpepper wrote:

I'm also not liking his complete lack of consideration for what you were going through re your appointment. That's a bit cold @Anastasia


Hahaha no one gives a rat's @@rse about my appointments @saltandpepper

In response to: Re: Night Time

Re: Night Time

I hear you @Anastasia and I get why you're feeling that responsibility. But the truth is, regardless of what has happened in the past, what he's been able to get away with, his actions are still his responsibility. They always have been his responsibility, no one elses. He can choose how to respond, how to behave, how to act, he's making those choices every day.

Whether money is tight or not, still shouldn't be falling on you to support his habit. If he wants to choose to do that, he has to be able to support his own habit.

And @Anastasia I want to point out that no matter what you did or didn't do regarding boundaries with your son, I don't believe it would have ended up any differently. You understandably acted out of fear of losing him and overcompensated by complying with his demands. But that isn't what keeps him alive, and it isn't what tips him over the edge either. It just is. You have been loving and supportive and gone to ends I can't imagine a lot of mothers doing.

Perhaps when you're both settled a talk around some new boundaries would be helpful for both of you. Perhaps decide tonight while he's out what you will and won't accept re behaviour and what consequences there will be. And I really don't want you to think you've created a monster there, you did the best you could for both of you during such a difficult time. You did everything right. Now that time has passed it's time to reassess the dynamics.

He has no right to behave the way he is. He has no right to make demands. He has no right to manipulate your compassion for him. None of that stuff is ok, ever.

In response to: Re: Night Time

Re: Night Time

I think kids can sometimes forget their parents are actually real people @Anastasia with their own lives and their own shit going on. I think it's a good thing to show some vulnerability, especially now that they're older and adults themselves. Your feelings, your appointments, your life matters. You matter 💙

In response to: Re: Night Time

Re: Night Time

Thank you @saltandpepper

Gee I love you and I thank you for your friendship. You are very kind and whilst I don't feel worthy of your words tonight, I am grateful so thank you from the depths of my broken heart 🙏💙

In response to: Re: Night Time

Re: Night Time

I really hate that you're feeling so broken hearted @Anastasia you just don't deserve it. You are worthy of far more than my support. You are worthy of love, support, kindness and understanding from your son too. He's not done the right thing by you today/tonight. If I could give him a stern talking to I would 💙

In response to: Night Time

Re: Night Time

Crying now. Its always just been me. Struggling to be two parents for my boys.

Boys need a Dad. My boys missed out.

@saltandpepper

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