LostAngelSenior Contributor
Depression/Self Growth/ the need to broaden my Horizons
Hello Everyone might Tag a few of you in this thread @Snowie,@Former-Member anyway to Begin with I have been going through Depression,sleeping alot,sleeping in the mornings quite late,negative thoughts but am ok,but strangely at the same time I can tell that as my Counciller has stated Im going through a self growth phase emotionally,the need I feel is that as much as Ive been very connected to family members,socially and emotionally Ive also at times felt disconnected or as if the need the more hence why Im possible looking into adventurous side of self,Theres alot on my mind lately and of course not all thats on my mind Im talking to family about but most things Ive been vocal or assertive about,Depression is really frustrating but in a weird way the depression seems to be part of my self growth,the need for myself to work through things myself and like Ive said before alot of that stuff I keep to self though I have been in contact with family quite alot this week,in terms of broadening my horizons I mean in terms of relationships Ive found a sense of Comfort with special someone and we continue to talk to each other at least once every couple of days,Ive agrred with him that we will take things slow which was his idea in the first place and I can understand the reasoning behind that,I think Im prioritzing special someone and he is prioritizing me we had our in person talk last week or earlier this week and since then things have smoothed out,I find myself being more considerate of his feelings as he is being considerate of my feelings so hopefully we are building up our respect and mutual trust slowly but surely,I also feel the desire more for him to be my ultimate go to person for advice and comfort more so than my family,dont get me wrong I still love my family but I feel the need to prioritise special someones relationship,weve had quite a few as I call them sweet moments where he does or says something that is just so right and so needed at that point in time,I appreciate him for doing and saying those things and Im trying to recipocate his time,and effort with consideration and responding rather than reacting,in fact Im trying to respond rather than react in general with family relationships as well,whilst still keeping my sense of independance,the depression has caused me in a way to be empathetic of others emotional issues,family issues,Im still part of my family but am moving towards preferring to spend time with special someone by choice and need and priority,those sweet moments of his care and support I really appreciate,Ive noticed that hes starting to share more of his own struggles with me too as Ive already shared some struggles with him,Im lucky hes there and Im glad he knows Im there for him too,this week has been really exhausting in terms of how much Ive been talking and connecting with family its been good but also exhausting I have at times worried this week if theres such a thing as being too connected but maybe its cause I dont ussually talk this much with family in such a short space of time,maybe its all possibly part of me growing and learning as a person,I am having a ballance of alone time or self care time,so maybe things are going the way there supposed to be going all round Im just kind of perplexed by how things are working and how Im working through these times in my mind and my heart,who knows maybe building up one relationship is in turn building my family relationships stronger too,anyway I geuss Im saying theres been emotional positives and negatives this week and during this time and sometimes those positives and negatives have been at the forefront at the same time almost,Im glad I had the talk with special someone at his house,that talk helped to put things in prespective of where the relationship is at and since then our communication has been good,most likely cause we are both communicating more effectively,Im trying to put in more effort with communication more than I used to with special someone but also with family I seem to be putting in more effort with communication,mind you I need some space now in between all that communication,in fact today I listened to a bunch of songs and then fell asleep for 2 hours straight,I feel more secure and peacefull with most of my familys relationships and with special someones relationship,Im glad hes also leaning on me for support when needed,theres a sense of trust and security which helps me to feel less stressed and more relaxed about where things are at slowly and surely.
