Unsure what to think

Needed a place to get some perspective from others.

I experience anxiety/OCD following being in an abusive relationship and the traumatic bereavement of my subsequent partner who was a lovely man. Coming to terms with this things has been hard. I also am a single mother, having give birth after my partner died. I have really found the last few years hard, but I think I'm doing ok. I am raising my son and I have almost finished a uni degree in that time.

I live with my parents at the moment. We have an up and down relationship. Partly its related to boundaries. My OCD started to develop and maybe it would be manageable, because I understood what was triggering it and just needed sometime to get my head around those things. However, as I was trying to do this, my parents would shift things around on me, throw away my things and touch my son without permission. Writing this I know it sounds unreasonable, but please understand that prior to this I had explained to them in great detail how important giving me this head space was. Regarding my son this was in response to my dad having a habit of coming in with grubby workclothes and wanting to play with my son. Things escalated and got worse because every time I felt my boundaries were broached I would get upset, then I would get told I was was being stupid, etc, etc. Over time I have become anxious of not only feeling uncomfortable with certain thinga, but also anxious of being called silly.

I left for a while, but because I had all my stuff at my parents house I came back after 6 months in the hope of sorting out various aspects of my life. Things looked positive. I bought a house nearby. While it needed some stuff done to make it comfortable I could see myself moving in and all being good. However, things have turned south in the last few months. I have had to move over 300 kilometres which I found challenging. My son started pre-primary and did not take well to it, so I have spent many days at school with him. I have a severe phobia of mice and have had them infest my car and parent's house, which has been a major hurdle to get past. And I committed to full time study when I felt in a postive mindset, but now its a bit much. My house has mouse associations which I also struggle with and pr3vents me from just moving in. I really struggle to just move forward.

Despite all this, I know/feel I am slowly in baby steps moving forward. I would be comfortable with this, but every day it feels like my family keeps hounding me about when I am leaving. My brother, who is 45 and does not live with my parents, is really challenging. He keeps telling me I have a problem (yes I know) and how I should be medicated and need to see people. I went down the medication route three years ago and trialled two meds for 12 months. I had a severe worsening of my OCD symptoms and heart palpations. I do not want to go there again. The heart thing scared me a lot as my son's only parent. I have seen a range of mental health professionals, but find the process really unrewarding because they keep emphasising the need for meds or support network, or that I need to find the answers myself. I go with optimism, get told the same things and feel really dejected. Lately my brother has started calling me a monster, told my parents he is going to call the police about me when my mum told him not to come around and threatened to sell my cars. Writing this I know his behaviour is completely irrational, but I can't move past this monster comment in my mind. I feel my mind is such a mess at the moment, that maybe he is right. Maybe I am a monster and I can't see it? I feel happy and comfortable, but when my brother is in my face I feel completely crap. I don't want to have anything to do with him, but telling him not to talk to me and not coming to my parents house has only seemed to antagonise him