Stuck and powerless

Hi, I need an anonymous platform, and I feel I can here. I feel trapped in a very hard place. Some of my past posts have been about estrangement from daughter in law and my son. There has been some unspoken unusual amends of sorts. I know daughter in law has narcissistic traits or is very self absorbed. Before the estrangement I had witnessed that the first grandchild sought a lot of comfort from wrapping her mothers trackpants around her tiny 3 year old body, security I guess. This drove her mother so mad, she would yell at her and repeatedly call her a word that refers to a disability( not nice word) . Not long after and not related to this we were estranged for 3 years.

This year back in early Febuary the unusual unspoken amends had taken place and all of a sudden we are back in their life to some degree. On our first visit the first born grandchild now 6 years old, was showing us her game skills with bits of paper and numbers on them, we could tell she had been to school and learnt these skills. Her mother boomed her voice over her daughter with , 'You dont know what you are doing and it didn't matter anyway because you are just a disability (bad word). I have since been there a few times more to current day and its apparent she is not her favourite child but the one that is constantly picked on and criticised. I looked after the 2 younger ones last Wednesday and the first born turned up with her mother to pick them up after school. Her mother started on her again and said I am so sick of you and its only been half an hour.

She had told her 2 weeks ago she wanted to throw her in the bin, she calls her a psychopath, because she likes to be goofy, she is a child after all and laugh but it drives her mother to anger. The younger child painted her t shirt with sauce, so the older one does the same, but it's the older one who gets a lashing. I want to do something. I have told my psychologist and Carer counsellor, but they all say, no one does anything, because it's not physical. Well that's really sad. They also said, I could get looked at as a jealous grandparent, and be called a liar.

Our past estrangement has nothing to do with grandmother jealousy, more like I was not up for lots of child caring. I have a daughter on the autism spectrum and we get busy on most days. First born granddaughter is picked on a lot it seems. If I speak up, even with a gentle word, I think daughter in law is with a personality disorder and my concern is we will be estranged and then I wont be able to inject those encouraging words I can get into grand daughter, to let her know someone thinks she is special. My son does not want to rock the boat. I dont know what to do. This is a toxic environment. I know a toxic environment, I have experience of one to know.

I feel stuck and powerless, physical abuse is bad, but so is mental and emotional abuse, this could lead to a life of poor mental health and substance abuse to cope. She is damaging her daughter's self esteem.