@Aniela
Hello Aniela
From memories of childhood, even during my primary school years, I remember that daydreaming, fantasising, or becoming almost totally absorbed in the natural environment around me were a prominent part of my life. Most of the fantasies and daydreaming were about far better places than that in which I physically lived.
However, there were also fantasies about how I could, with honour and purpose escape that life. For example, while not wishing harm to come to anyone else, I wished for a way to save another person, and in so doing, lose the life that was mine. Obviously, it was at the more extreme periods of time, that such thoughts, ideas, considerations occurred. But I know that, at times, I was certainly on alert for such an event.
The daydreaming and fantasising was normally when I was on my own, or with people away from my immediate family. It was a way of escaping from the issues that I faced with my father, in particular. I think that my mother simply thought that I 'suffered' from an overactive imagination.
Unfortunately, my father viewed, in a son, any such inclinations to be a sign of weakness. As a result he put more pressure on me to act in a way that conformed with his point of view. Paradoxically, his approach caused a further retreat by me into what was a relatively safe world.
This propensity for daydreaming, fantasy and the more extreme “desire for an honourable death” were, as I say a form of escape. That mental capacity for escapism had formed a pattern of behaviour, and did not go away as I got older. Consequently, I had significant difficulty in mental applications, like study and even, later on, clerical work. My mind would simply wander, as if somehow startled, would take off in a direction that was not associated with my work or study. This occurred even when I placed fairly reasonable time-frames on study and breaks. It made little difference.
Later on, I was able to, in a sense, corral my mind and keep it within a sort of boundary when I was working in areas that I found challenging, interesting and rewarding. Sometimes, it was doing heavy physical work where safety was an issue, so I had to be alert in that environment. Another occupation that was quite demanding mentally was working as an Employment Officer in the public service. It turned out that I could empathise with people's story and background, particularly when they had experienced difficulties or trauma. This meant that I could work with people who had been long-term unemployed, people from various migrant backgrounds, individuals and groups, people who had experienced abuse and trauma, either as children or adults, in their homes and sometimes in their workplace, and young people about to leave school for the next stage of their lives.
I can say that the work was exceptionally draining. However, there was reward, when I was either able to directly assist people, by helping them to gain employment or meaningful study avenues, or give guidance that enabled them to achieve their immediate and mid-range goals.
In fact, it is more recently, that I have explored and connected some of these events, experiences, wishes, desires and activities. For example my early home life and the employment in which I worked, and what the relationship was between them. At other times the fantasy has approached reality. More of these connections have become apparent to me, in a gentle sort of way, through this website, past and recent counselling assistance.
I am thankful that I have been able to challenge myself to deal with the distraction of daydreaming and fantasy. However, It has not been without some fairly high costs involved. Turbulent relationships, not constant but regular changes to work, home and even the internal functions of my mind. It would have been very difficult for anyone else to have coped with.
I now, at the older end of my life, choose to live alone after caring for my mother for nearly ten years until she passed away two years ago. Our time together was a pleasant time of healing for both of us. A very special and privileged time for me.
During my lifetime, there has been a gradual progression, in the field of psychology, from the theoretical to the practical application of methods and medicine in the treatment of personal psychological issues. Some of what I have described may “strike a chord” for you. While there may be differences, you may see some ideas with which you can connect. In any case, if you are concerned about any aspect(s) of your life, to the extent that you feel that you have a blockage or barrier to experiencing the best life that you may possibly be able to live, I would encourage you to cautiously seek assistance. Cautiously, because personalities are important in the area of deep personal exposure and vulnerability. It is important that a good and firm connection is made with any people assisting you.
This website has much information on the way that people, members of this site, as you are now, have talked about and dealt with their experiences. All the comments on the site are open for anyone to view. Members are able to be very open about their own mental health challenges and successes. This is mainly due to the anonymity of members. People will encourage you, offer non-directive guidance, and simple friendship (if friendship is ever simple) I have learned a great deal from this site since I rejoined in February this year. Sincerely, I hope that you find some answers and possibly even links to solutions to your questions, through this site. The only thing asked is that each of us respect the protective function, as set out on the Guidelines & Info page.
While some of the material on the site consists of greetings and courtesies, there are more in-depth explorations of people's experiences and circumstances.
Please ask any questions. When I joined, I initially found it difficult to work around the site, so please don't feel daunted – just ask. I have added some tips below to help with addressing anyone on the site
With My Very Best Wishes
HenryX
Tagging:
To alert a person or draw their attention to a message that you have posted, you add the @ symbol in front of their forum name, to change the name to a forum address. @Aniela = Forum name; @Aniela = Forum address
For example; I would flag your attention by adding anywhere into a message @Aniela, as I have done at the beginning of this message to you. You would tag me by adding @HenryX any where in a message that you wanted me to be aware of.
Near the top right side of the forum page, the word “NEW” is placed to the right of “Guidelines & Info”.
- A number in a circle, adjacent to the word “NEW5” will alert you that there are that number of messages, where other forum members have “tagged” you.
- Left-clicking on the word “NEW” will take you to the “Your Notifications” page where any messages relating to you, or in which you have been interested, are shown,in the following way:
{“Anastasia @mentioned you in
Re: newbie.”}
- To access the message, left-click on the thread title
“Re: newbie” which will then take you to the messages on that thread.
Cheers,
HenryX
