Fear of failure

@Lilaca It's not so much the job, it's the pressure that I put on myself. By boss is actually awesome but growing up in a super strick and overly high achieving family has taken its toll.

I've had a pretty intense couple of years and the things I used to love to do I can't bring myself to do anymore.

Baby steps though right?🙂

Hi @AussieRecharger,

Thanks to covid I've been mostly working from home for the past year which I love. I'm home more for the kids and if I'm having a particularly rough day I can loose it in the privacy of my own home.

When I'm feeling particularly overwhelmed I have the music cranked right up, I love it. It drowns out the noise in my head and the music I listen too feels like it provides a level of understanding somehow?

I honestly just put so much pressure on myself that I get so overwhelmed that I freeze up, it paralyses me. It's just a vicious cycle 🤷‍♀️

Dont worry @Catiepiller , I see you transforming into a butterfly soon! 🙂

If you come from a high achieving family, you are probably prone to being a perfectionist. Take it easy, you are probably already there, already good enough, already have it all in yourself to achieve whatever you want to. Therefore you can never be a failure. 🙂 Also great to have such supportive boss to work with.

If you can't do the activities you used to enjoy, just try something new. You can go back to the old ones whenver you are ready. Life keeps moving and we keep on progressing, but whatever we have learned in the past, they are still within us and will always remain as part of us.

Hope you feel better. 🙂

Thank you so much @Lilaca , I do feel a bit better for posting here tonight. My family and friends are amazing but there's nothing quiet like connecting with others that can really feel what we are feeling 🐛

Ok, so I took a few days off work and was feeling ok but then I went back to work for 2 days and I'm back to feeling so completely worthless. I spend a lot of my time staring at the computer screen too scared to do my work in the fear that I'm going to mess up (and yet there is nothing I could do that would be so bad that it would be unfixable) I feel like a fraud and at any time they are going to wake up and see that I don't know what I'm doing.... which I know is ridiculous because I do know what I'm doing, my boss is amazing and incredibly patient and all of this pressure is what I'm putting onto myself. I wish there was a way to turn it off. I spend my spare time reading books and articles, listening to podcasts and watching YouTube videos desperately searching for a way to make it stop but it almost makes it worse. It's just horrible, I know it's me that's doing this, I can see it but I can't stop it. Whilst I'm not working I guess I feel that there is no chance of failure?? It's just a vicious cycle 🤦‍♀️