New and lost

Hi @Brown_Eyes

Welcome to the SANE forums.

I am sorry you feel that way about yourself. Please know that you are deserving of help and I hope that you find the help and support you deserve here. The forums are a great place to get support and a great place to express yourself without the fear of judgement.

Would you like to tell us a little about yourself and maybe some things you like to do.

Welcome, @Brown_Eyes ! You've come to a good place to get peer support.

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@Brown_Eyes wrote:

I know I need help but I'm scared.

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I'm wondering what professional supports you have? A good GP, a psychologist /counsellor or psychiatrist maybe?

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@Brown_Eyes wrote:

I feel as if everyone I care about would be better if I wasn't here.

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This is never the case - I am sorry though that you feel that way 😞
Many of us know the feeling of being in a dark pit. It is truly horrible.

A handy forum tip is to type @ then click on a person's name, if you are replying to them - that way they get a notification and don't miss your reply.

I hope you find the forums a supportive place. 🙂

@NatureLover @Snowie

Um Hi,

thank you both so, so much for your kind words. I'm not good at this opening up to people about myself. But here are four fun facts about me

* I enjoy cooking/baking

* I enjoy and find going to the beach relaxing - though I don't go often

* I'm a massive dog lover

* I have a massive sweet tooth

@Brown_Eyes thanks for telling us a bit about yourself, when you find it difficult 🙂

I am jealous that you are good at cooking and baking! I've tried so hard throughout my life, but I am a still a terrible cook, lol. 😄 I also like the beach but haven't been for decades as I live too far away.

Do you currently have any professional support for your depression?

Hi @Brown_Eyes

I enjoy cooking/baking too. I baked banana bread today with some overripe bananas.

Do you have a dog at all? I have a cavoodle who is like another child!! She is spoilt rotten.

Are there any sweets you really like? I have a sweet tooth for chocolate!

Hi @Brown_Eyes welcome to the forum. This is a good place for support and connection.

I can see you have a lot of judgement and anger toward yourself for some things you have done. It must be hard to cope with problems you already have, without the added judgement and anger you are throwing at yourself.

It's great you've identified you need help, and you've reached out for support on here. It is difficult to face our feelings and ask for help. There is courage in reaching out though, and I hope you're proud of yourself for reaching out on here. 🙂

If people already view you as a warm, caring and person, that is a good indication you're judging yourself way too harshly. I know when I'm really down, my illness gives me lots of judgey thoughts toward myself that are really unhelpful. I just notice them now as thoughts. Just judgey thoughts. The illness at its peak.

I hope this has been helpful. 🙂

@Brown_Eyes
welcome , sorry you feel like that, you might be in good company here.

there are meany people here that are supportive and I hope it helps you.

for what it is worth try to stay strong.

I know it's not easy, so I won't tell you it is.

it ripps your life away, and when you can breathe it still hurts because you look back and see how meany years are gone.

I hope it passes soon for you.

iv been battling this for almost 40 years.

some days are good and feel amazing. They feel like miracles and not quite real.

I totally get the toxic monster thing.

I'm not sure about you but I feel like no one wants me in their lives anymore because I'm toxic.

so if you feel like that you are not alone.

truth is I don't think people know how to deal with it.

perhaps for them they hurt with you, unable to take away your pain.

feeling like they make things worse rather than helping. I'm not sure 🤷‍♀️

as a life member of depression ( for lack taste) I know how debilitating it is. Please get as much help as you can as fast as you can.

deppresion, ptsd, schizophrenia, or any other mental health related symptom management, get harder and more complex the longer you ignore it.

It took me almost 35 years before I let it out. So I talk from experience.

when I finally opened up, it almost cost me my life. Several times over 3 to 5 years.

I now have deliberately corned myself into a trap, with so many people that now know what is going on, it's almost impossible for me to hurt myself.

I know that I have an entire city keeping an eye on my life. It's sometimes demoralising, but I have to be honest. Everyone knows how close they were to loosing me I think.

please don't let it get this bad for you, I can't take away your pain, or tell you everything will just disappear. It's a process and it can get hard.

so if you have some one, anyone you feel close to, hold on to them tight. You need a rock for stability. This will help anchor you when the tide is rushing out.

if I could I would take your hurt from you, and im sure everyone else here would also.

💗