@Oaktree
Hi Meggle
It is interesting that people have a whole range of divergent views on life and what it means to each of us. I notice that you have said that you and your friend “....had a good talk....”. It would be interesting to hear your ideas about why you thought it was a good talk. Was it good because:
you felt that your discussion covered areas that were interesting to you
it was detailed
You felt and, or thought that the philosophy underpinning the discussion matched your own ideas
you admire this person's ideas about life and that, in that way, they are validated
their way of thinking is based on methodology that validates their reasoning
possible other reasons?
We can use all sorts of reasons to validate our global view of life. I was talking with a friend yesterday and reflected on the theory that all the atoms that exist now, existed at the time of the start of it all; “The Big Bang”. By this reasoning parts of our individual body structure, at the atomic level could, at some time in the past, have been parts of butterflies, tigers, trees, Pterodactyls, or inanimate objects such as oil, sea water or any combination of which these are representative. (and that is just the earth-based possibilities, some of our atoms may have come from anywhere else in the universe, eg. by asteroid, and been part of other things that are totally unknown to us.)
When thinking in this way, we may justify a belief in reincarnation. Indeed, we are unlikely to believe that an elephant, woolly mammoth or dinosaur is going to reappear in another life as a butterfly, or anything else in its entirety. However, it is possible to consider that, at the atomic level, some of our atoms may, and are likely to come back encapsulated and part of another creature, or in any other form of existence. These ideas possibly relate to the idea of “all of life is an illusion.”
I do believe that, at some level, all of our lives are, to some degree, what we make them. There are many, I am sure would disagree with my observation; I believe, that we did not choose the nationality that we were born into, the culture, the family, etc. At least, if we ever did, that decision is not in our conscious mind. So presumably, we did not have control over elements of our present existence.
However, Meggle, as you said in your introduction I am going to...
"live the best life I possibly could with this illness".
In this way we do have choices to make about how we live our lives, given the circumstances and environment that we have been allocated.
The existence of this forum would be meaningless if we were not able, in any way, to influence, and to some degree, manipulate the conditions of our existence. Undoubtedly, there are limits on the influence we have to manipulate those conditions of existence. We cannot control the effects of a cyclone, we cannot change a rainy day into a fresh sunny spring day. But we do have choices to make in terms of how we respond to our “imposed environment”
Our attachment to people, ideas and things, to some degree, gives us a sense of meaning, purpose and sometimes, drive, determination and persistence. If our families meant nothing to us, in other words we were totally detached from them, what purpose would there be in our lives. I wonder if the friend with whom you were discussing these ideas lives in a social vacuum. Evidently not, because your discussion would not have taken place. Does this friend live totally unattached to certain theories. Evidently not, because she would not have expressed her ideas or views unless she was in some way attached to them.
To look at a distinction, some people say that “money ruins our lives” but my understanding is that, that is misquoting the original concept of the “love of money being the root of all evil”. I believe that there are appropriate levels of involvement, interaction and attachment to each of the other elements of our lives. It is when those attachments become so tight, confining and restrictive, and causing our view of everything else to be distorted, that those levels of involvement, interaction and attachment become a problem in our lives.
This can even occur with the best of intentions in mind. I read yesterday, a member's story about burnout because she had become so attached, immersed, involved with the forum, that she had to withdraw for a period of time, and has recently returned to the forum, with some agreed, self imposed limits and boundaries in place.
{Those boundaries sound very much like what @BPDSurvivor talks about in a later response}
So Meggle, I believe that I can understand, from my perspective, the issues that you face as a result of the traumatic events that you have described experiencing when you were a child. And the forms of expression through which they are now manifested in your life. Other people have expressed similar developments in their lives. I certainly can. The flight, fight, freeze and fawn responses and their subsequent extention into later adult life.
When we arrive at a place in time, circumstance or situation, we often like to stabilise the situation and maintain the status quo, particularly when that situation is appealing or rewarding. This can also happen in adverse situations if we fear that the situation may get worse. When a situation serves us well we become attached to it.
The idea that not getting attached to things because “all of life is an illusion.”, is a concept that I have heard some people say that they believe, however, I do not adhere to that belief, in anything other than for very specialised and qualified purposes, such as artificially stabilising a system to test a theory; so, only in the most abstract ways and applications.
I would very much like to hear your thoughts....
With My Best Wishes
HenryX
{Content in blue is edited into this post}
{I have altered the sequence of a few words and added some to clarify but not to change any meaning.}
10:00pm Sunday 6 Jun '21
