Really struggling

Hi all,

Firstly, Thanks for having me here. I'm not much of a forum person, more a Facebook person but couldn't find any groups on Facebook for partners and families of people with DID.

I'm really struggling with my partners DID. She really only discovered she had it in the past 6 months or so, but i'm really having a hard time with it.

I'm not sure exactly how to put it all in words on how I feel, but I guess unsafe, uneasy, scared, and lacking in trust in our relationship is a good start.

When I say "unsafe", I don't mean in the way that I feel like my partner would do anything to physically hurt me, but I feel unsafe as though her alters are just saying what needs to be said to keep the peace. It feels as though they're almost lying to me just to maintain the relationship, and that really makes me feel as though the relationship stability is unsafe, and makes me feel like I can't trust my partner to tell me the truth about affection. I know it's an extreme example, but it feels like a pathological liar who is lying just to keep themselves safe.

Let me throw some context in here. My partner has never done anything to make me distrust her. Our marriage has been great for a long time. I mean, we've been through alot and had some pretty tough events to work through with our relationship but it's survived and we've always came out the other side on top. There's never been anything though to make me distrust her in any way. Trust for me is a cornerstone of a relationship.

However, i'm struggling with this whole concept that her alters are just saying stuff to keep her safe, and they don't really mean it what they say. Whenever she calls me "hunni", touches me in an affectionate way, says she loves me, or anything like that, i doubt her now. I doubt the reality of it. She says she means it, but how do I know that it's not an alter just saying that too to keep the system safe. I know the problem here is me. I just don't know what to do, and it's driving me to endless amounts of tears and making me want to run away from it all.

I don't know what to do here.