Reflections

Dear All,

I have sat on this forum for some months not sure when to make my first post. I am so grateful for this forum and for the kindness you have all shared in sharing of your experiences. I have for a long time been in some sort of array of confusion about all that which is at hand and unfolding in my relationship with my wife. I am grateful for this platform.

Seven years in and it does indeed appears that the wheels are falling off; I won't go into all the details of all the events that have transpired but it does indeed seem that my wife yet to be diagnosed is struggling with BPD. Ticks 80% of the symptoms however the degree that it is obvious to her is perhaps not where it should be.

She has in recent time begun to consider the possibility that there is a challenge at hand but it has been an upward struggle and still continues to be. Paired to BPD is seeming addiction to sex. The demands for sex are beyond; if we are not having sex 7-8 times per week or moving toward such, all hell unfolds and it has become worse. It appears that there is a constant need for attention and validation through sex; which is seemingly never satisfied.

I am lost for words and I guess in many ways struggling to draw attention to the challenge. She is without a doubt a good person, but BPD is proving to be a problem of note; even thought of starting a family has gone out the window for me because I just could not bring a child into these combustible settings that are taking form.

I do love my wife but I have to be honest over the years the blows have been so significant. She is heading to Private Treatment Centre for three weeks in 3 weeks' time and I have encouraged her to stay an extra if she wants to. There has been a lot of trauma in her life and living with her mother who had BPD the sad reality is that over these 5+ years, I am coming to realize my wife is drawing stronger parallels with her mother. In as much as I would love to have children, there is no way, I could consider children at this stage; not in the gear, we are in.

Her awareness of her challenges is not nearly where it should be. I am of course hoping for a miracle and greater awareness but I am just seeing that. We have gone to therapy since 2018 and we were seeing a sex therapist at some point but she stopped seeing the sex therapist and is seemingly not willing to see the issues in and around sexual engagement and the unreasonable demands on me.

We have taken a break from sexual engagement, I am on the couch. It just became too unhealthy and just the degree of self-awareness is not here. A journey it has indeed been. There is a lot happening at present. I of course want to be there for her, but it is not going to be possible to walk this journey without some awareness and willingness to do the work. Things are simply not sustainable as it currently is. I know she is suffering a lot. Thank you to our members who have contributed their experiences and their own journeys of recovery. It is possible.

I have been in therapy for the last six months and it is helping a lot; self care my friends.

Of course, I do feel guilty in many ways but I will do the best that I can however I alone can not save this situation. It is something I have to remind myself about.