It's EASIER SAID than DONE!

@Former-Member

hey flo... one of the reasons I don't really comment on the posts you make about your ex, is that I really don't get it. Not for one minute would I want to detract from your profound feelings just because I don't understand them, so I try not to get involved.

I am very resilient and I'm grateful for that. I see it as a gift from the universe (God?) not something I can take any credit for. "Moving on" could be my middle name' it's what enables me to stay with my bipolar partner.

I know not everyone is like me. I will still sometimes find Mr S in floods of tears because his wife left him 15 years ago. It doesn't mean he doesn't now love me, but the trauma of that breakup is still raw in his heart after all that time. I don't get it, but I don't criticise it simply because I don't understand it.

When I'm afraid of something I do employ the "what's the worst that could happen" technique. I had PND after both my children were born and it induced panic attacks. Even on meds. Asking myself that question, I got a mobile phone (very early 90's) so that I would never be out of touch with people who cared, and took a bucket in the car with me in case I needed to throw up, and I started going out again.

However, we are all different. I'm also sure that the advice you have been given came from a place of encouragement and was not meant to belittle your problems.

I'm not offering advice because I have none to give that I think would be of any benefit, but I do want you to know that I read all your posts and offer support.

S x

Yeah, I'd see that to me, the post looks likes a kind of common misunderstanding around exposure therapy.

It's supposed to a very careful re-wiring purpose. Rather than a "boot-camp" sort of process.

Yes. The best way to learn something is to do it, but, if it ain't done right, it'll teach the wrong lesson.

A lot of people, would of actually recomended the opposite. Maybe it is worth devoting some visualisation to the more positive or neutral outcomes. Balance it out and then take a little step back (that sort of thing).

Also, a common misunderstanding about nervousness. I'd venture to say, as a rule, never ever ever directly tell a neurotic person that they are "over-thinking". Every time someone does that to me. I'm zap poof bang. I'm a rocket. I'm gone. They'll never catch me. Tried to drag me back to Earth but kicked away my anchor (that sort of thing).

It's very hard dealing with those powerful emotions @Former-Member , but you have to deal with them otherwise you will start to burn bridges.

There is only one women on this planet that has given me those thoughts and that is my mother. It was frightening the speed with which they came on, really scary. But I have never experienced them from heart-break, only her, and I took my docs advice and admitted myself to hospital 3 times in 1 year for over 4 months.

1. because they scared the crap out of me, and

2. because I would feel like a supreme failure to end up like my father. I hate the man. I hate them both. A mother isn't worth it and a lover; absolutely no way. My soul-sibs need me, and so do the kids.

The way I would tackle your emotions if I was in your position @Former-Member ( and I have been, just not for heart-break), is that instead of asking myself,

"what would happen if I run into my ex? (because its Murphy's law that we will be triggered one day if not in real life, but probably in digital life)",

ask yourself why does rejection and the end of love take my mind there, and then get treatment. I would lessen my time online too. Because you create a false reality. You delude yourself that you're dealing with the hard stuff, but really you're just screaming at a brick wall with no reciprocation. You need to be validated in real life, way way more than online.

It is a slow and arduous process, like walking through fire, but it can be done, you just can't do it on your own. You need some long term therapy for symptoms such as these. None of us can escape emotions, they will follow us around the world and up to Mars,

Best, Corny