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just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone

just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone

even writing this is hard, dont know where to start...feel extremely alone and unloved, feel as if I was no longer around I wouldnt be missed...I dont think I make a difference...I have 5 kids all grown up and 2 arent talking to me at the moment, because I broke my ankle and after having a plate and pins in it and told not to bear weight on it for 3 months I struggled for months to do things on my own and in a very week and sad and sorry for myself moment I sent my kids a text saying basically that they should be ashamed of themselves as Id always been there for them but when I needed help I dont hear or see them...asked them who cooks or shops for me, walks my dogs, cleans my home? I am a very independant woman but I didnt think I would actually have to ask for help from my family...I am dumbfounded by this current generation because when my mum and dad needed me I was there...I never thought not to help them and would check up on them more and more as they got older...my only daughter disowned me and called me names as I needed dog food as my dogs had none, she had my debit card for 2 days and I was upset she hadnt gotten it, I had no other means to buy the food for them as she had my only card and I had no cash and I barely had any fuel in my car...she went off at me and told me she had worked a 16hr day and that i was a rude selfish and inconsiderate b@$tch.... I was gobsmacked by her tirade and she ended up putting my key card on the top of the power box at her work late that night and told me she did that as she ddnt want to talk to me....that was 2 months ago...I tried to talk to her a few weeks back and she told me no thanks..

now here I am tonight all tied up in knots and feeling depressed and lonely and missing her and wrote her an email but am hesitant to make things worse in sending it as I point out some things that had happened in the past to her that I had been there for her supporting her in every way....and I sound so depressed and sooky in the email....and I think to myself...my mum never complained...though I do remember her crying once when one of my brothers disowned her for 5 years over trivial stuff and disrespected her by calling her by her first name to her face....now why do famiy disown and cut and run from family members when life is so damn short??

so should I? or shouldnt I send the email...and to be honest no matter what anyone says and I do send it the consequences are mine not anyone elses....and I miss my grandkids 😞

And my eldest son has also told me off and said he will talk to me when he is ready...he does disown me on a regular basis over the years and to be honest every time it happens its harder and harder to reconnect as I dont want to be hurt again and Im not too sure I want to when and if he does try...oh and I did send him an email a few weeks back and so far nothing....no response...guess I know where I stand with him

I try to connect to my youngest son but he doesnt visit and he doesnt call or return phone calls...am lost as to why its all so hard and why I am left feeling so alone and unloved? I dont think that im a horrid mother...i truly truly just dont get it 😞

6 replies

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In response to: just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone

Re: just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone

Hi @diamantina

I'm so glad you posted tonight. It might be starting to quiet down on here - but there's usually a few people around at night to keep each other company - if that would be helpful tonight.

I'm sure some others will have some advice or suggestions to offer, in the mean time though, are you safe for tonight?

While we can offer peer support, we're unable to provide crisis support. So, here are some numbers / details of crisis organisations, just in case things esclate tonight:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or online chat

Suicide Call Back: 1300 659 467 or online chat

I hope things improve tonight and please know that you're not alone.

Take care,

Nik

In response to: Re: just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone

Re: just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone

Hello @diamantina

Sadly the world is changing and I doubt there is as much progress as some pretend.

So called "standards" are bandied about frequently in conversation ... as an excuse for people to publicly push their own barrow.

In some ways standards for some things have gone up and in other ways they have gone down.

Sorry to hear that your children are not respecting or there for you. I know what that feels like. I dont believe that it is a case of family dymanics all the time ... sometimes its due to general social patterns of behaviour in mainstream society.

Eg there was a whole lot of business about the right of children to divorce their parents at the end of last century .. no discussion of issues ... my daughter was extolling the virtues of that .. before I divorced her father ...

You have contributed a lot to raise 5 children who are successful enough ... for one even to work a 16 hour day ... a lot of all that garbage is just EGOISM and EXCUSES ... like some in the legal field etc ... I have worked plenty 16 hour days .... its SHOULD be about values and people and relationship.

I hope one day my daughter turns around too ... but in the meantime a lot of damage has been done ...

They talk .. interdependence and then construct small social bubbles around them to feel normal ... not sure what the long term fall out will be ...

sorry .. just raving and saying hi

Apple

In response to: Re: just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone

Re: just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone

Hi @diamantina

Everything @Appleblossom said - the world is changing and a lot of it for the worse. A lot of values and respect of old are today now challenged and not upheld. A lot of disrespect for each other is brewing out there. Your children are being very self-centred to say the least and I have and currently am suffering the same. And yes, it can be very lonely but please know there is nothing wrong with you and it's not your fault. It does not mean that you are unlovable at all - it's that some of our children don't know the meaning of respect.

Do you have friends you can lean on or talk to about this? Are you in a position to go out and join groups or do volunteer work. I think your survival instincts of protecting yourself from being continually hurt are healthy ones - it's your time now to go out and enjoy life with others who will respect you. I have found in my life that family are not always those who are blood related but those who are there for me, accept me for who I am and who respect me. Maybe this is the right time to reinvent yourself by stepping out and surrounding yourself with people who do respect you and make you feel valued, loveable. As you are worth it. Sending warm hugs x

In response to: Re: just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone

Re: just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone

thank you so much, your words mean a lot, and also make sense to me and my muddled mind, my best friend has moved recently, I am going for a short break to see her in a month and I hope its the tonic I need, she wants me to move there close to her but I love my job and I did mention to her I need a job there to move and with age comes less employment opportunities and I could get there and she would again move...she said if that happens Im going with them as I am her family...such a good friend and I do so miss her so much.

I have been 'burnt' in the past from so called 'friends' so im a little cautious in making new friends...I know of one lady who often says we should have coffee but never does so Ive given up on her

however I have asked about the local cwa...emailed the local member and no response, so I emailed the head office and they told me to contact the local office...cant win lol

I do so want to be close to my kids and its just not about to happen anytime too soon, I know this....

anyway everyones advice has been good but I still havent sent the email...I just cant face conflict or the depression of no response again....

my daughter disowned her best friend due to the poor girl going to rehab and not coping, my daughter told me that being her friend was too hard as all the effort came from my daughter....I really dont think my daughter knows the value of a best friend or even how to be one...I accept everyone for whom they are, faults and all...Im past trying to change anyone, but I must say I have come to avoid conflict as I just cannot cope.......it all hurts too much and I overthink it all and the whatifs.....

anyway Ive wandered off topic and just wanted to say thank you for your advice....it does help a little

In response to: Re: just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone

Re: just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone

one more tiny ironical thing...my daughter is a carer....for children and disabled teens...go figure that a carer doesnt care about her mum......

In response to: Re: just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone

Re: just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone

Sorry @diamantina

It does not surprise me ... it is sad .. at least she has a lot of good qualities to be able to do that job ... but its not fair on you .. or me .. ... they all have their reasons ... but there are too many excuses .. to cut people off ... sadly when they realise how much we have loved them .. it will be a bit late ... too many years will have passed.

Hope you get some comfort from the ladies on the forum ... they chat on night shift .... you can join in on any of the threads.

Take care

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