diamantinaCasual Contributor
just cant connect or cope with feeling lost and alone
even writing this is hard, dont know where to start...feel extremely alone and unloved, feel as if I was no longer around I wouldnt be missed...I dont think I make a difference...I have 5 kids all grown up and 2 arent talking to me at the moment, because I broke my ankle and after having a plate and pins in it and told not to bear weight on it for 3 months I struggled for months to do things on my own and in a very week and sad and sorry for myself moment I sent my kids a text saying basically that they should be ashamed of themselves as Id always been there for them but when I needed help I dont hear or see them...asked them who cooks or shops for me, walks my dogs, cleans my home? I am a very independant woman but I didnt think I would actually have to ask for help from my family...I am dumbfounded by this current generation because when my mum and dad needed me I was there...I never thought not to help them and would check up on them more and more as they got older...my only daughter disowned me and called me names as I needed dog food as my dogs had none, she had my debit card for 2 days and I was upset she hadnt gotten it, I had no other means to buy the food for them as she had my only card and I had no cash and I barely had any fuel in my car...she went off at me and told me she had worked a 16hr day and that i was a rude selfish and inconsiderate b@$tch.... I was gobsmacked by her tirade and she ended up putting my key card on the top of the power box at her work late that night and told me she did that as she ddnt want to talk to me....that was 2 months ago...I tried to talk to her a few weeks back and she told me no thanks..
now here I am tonight all tied up in knots and feeling depressed and lonely and missing her and wrote her an email but am hesitant to make things worse in sending it as I point out some things that had happened in the past to her that I had been there for her supporting her in every way....and I sound so depressed and sooky in the email....and I think to myself...my mum never complained...though I do remember her crying once when one of my brothers disowned her for 5 years over trivial stuff and disrespected her by calling her by her first name to her face....now why do famiy disown and cut and run from family members when life is so damn short??
so should I? or shouldnt I send the email...and to be honest no matter what anyone says and I do send it the consequences are mine not anyone elses....and I miss my grandkids 😞
And my eldest son has also told me off and said he will talk to me when he is ready...he does disown me on a regular basis over the years and to be honest every time it happens its harder and harder to reconnect as I dont want to be hurt again and Im not too sure I want to when and if he does try...oh and I did send him an email a few weeks back and so far nothing....no response...guess I know where I stand with him
I try to connect to my youngest son but he doesnt visit and he doesnt call or return phone calls...am lost as to why its all so hard and why I am left feeling so alone and unloved? I dont think that im a horrid mother...i truly truly just dont get it 😞
