What is therapy?

I think the link needs editing. I'm getting something about Irish people.

@Appleblossom

told to do nice things ....it was not helpful .... just make me feel like screaming ....

same same.... taking "time out with a friend", "doing something I enjoy (like sewing)", or the ubiquitous "be kind to yourself"..... ffs that doesn't help solve any of the problems I face caring for Mr S.

Writing things down, for me, is therapy. A blow by blow account of something that's happened that I found distressing is therapeutic because it makes me confront the facts of the event rather than my impression of it. Journally helps me consolidate my thoughts and drill down on how I really feel about a situation or event. I find once I've written it all down I can let go of any negativity that surrounded it.

@wellwellwellnez

Not sure how to edit links, been working on it for last few weeks. Think it is cos I dont have phone, idk?? Sorry if the link

Like @SJT63 mentioned writing out a blow by blow description. I feel better when I understand, and that takes both writing and journalling a lot, and doing research into my ancestors. It helps me understand all the disconnections. Sadly in my personal life history the realities have been worse than I at first understood, It does empower me to realise that it was not just me, being weird, or my family being weird, and all the fear of inheriting bad MI genes etc.

Sorry maybe the Iirish thing did not mean anything to you @wellwellwellnez , but do you have any other links you would post that help and make you feel better about yourself and your life?

Hi @Appleblossom

Reading the title of your post, for some reason I wanted to burst out into song...

"What is therapy?

Baby don't hurt me.

Don't hurt me, no more..."(oddly appropriate, as a matter of fact)

For me, true therapy is about problem solving; and in cases where the problem can't possibly (or practically) be solved outright, it's about solving the problem to the greatest degree reasonably possible.

As you say, the modern approach of simply applying distraction - of treating the symptom, not the disease - is woefully inadequate. Even with the best job of distraction, you just wind up right back in the same situation; a day older and wearier.

I think I've become pretty darn good at distracting myself from all the misery people try to hurl at us. But nothing ever gets any better because there's no actual help to solve my problems. That's what 'therapy' really ought to be - fixing the problems.

Hello @Appleblossom

On occasions in the past I have walked out of "therapy" saying to myself never again. Recently I spoke to a SANE councellor who was incredibly helpful and gave me some food for thought about my therapy and I now think the best thing I could do is find a new "neutral" one...I just don't have the "strength" to do that right now. My next appointment is 1 June so will see if I end up cancelling and changing or if I just go and where that leaves me.

Therapy as I see it is something that enables you to "off load" your thoughts and allows the therapist to provide some "insight" around what to do/ tools to use to move forward. Mine usually gives me "homework" so I am accountable and can report back as well as gain a sense of achievemnet when I put the homework into practice...that's if they are really listening.

I'm in a dreadful headspace atm, so possibly not sending through "positive" insights but happy to chat some more if it is of any use Apple?

Hugs @Anastasia

It sounds like a reasonable definition in a reasonable world, but what if the situation is far from reasonable?

My son went to his "therapist" today and came back "discombobulated" his word, but respectful. No dinner and in his room early.

Sorry about your dreadful headspace. Good you have a plan to find a neutral therapist for you.

I like the idea of doing homework, and would have been keen to do it over the last 10 years, but none of my "therapists" ever gave me any. I began researching online when I had access and time, and discovered many things along with my earlier quals etc. First homework was last year, from an OT when I was on NDIS. She then said I seemed happy to do homework, would never go through it with me, which meant that 10 months later, I finally found a Gp and a supt wkr to look at it. In a way, she was too young (27) to really understand but she at least brought a few little tools to the table. Not a lot considering the cost of an OT, but at least something.

My last visit to son's therapist was totally retraumatising. This therapist is supposed to be for my family insitutional child sex abuse traumas going back 2 generations, but the amount of time allocated, was far too little. The old stitch in time saves nine ... applies ....

When you are ready I am happy to hear about positive therapy experiences, I gave a psychologist the sack and reported her for abuse last year in April. So now I am alittle on my high horse about THEM rorting the system. I dont want to waste tax dollars on NOT HELPING SERVICES. I said to another that I was getting annoyed with the Australian Psychological Association for overcharging and false pretences, and she gave me first handout in 3 years, about "I statements" when I had been discussing them with another parent and thinking and applying them for 30 years! eye roll ... Good Lord ... I probably should wind up with her next month, she does not have anything to give me.

My spt wkr came up with a concept I had not heard of from cultural studies in sociology ... "ascribed status", which applied to my circumstances in a lot of ways. I thanked him and have told him a few times he is underpaid, for his quals and work. He has an MA doing a Phd. He is good value and for the first time in my life I am seeing someone every week. So things can be discussed in a timely fashion.

Hello @Appleblossom

I will come back and respond properly, but wanted to let you know I do hear you and I am sorry xox

Hi All @Appleblossom @Anastasia @chibam @SJT63 @wellwellwellnez

Apologies, I haven't watched the video but on reading the posts.

I like therapy that is solution focused and probleming solving and i appreciate homework given by a psychologist.(I don't always do it though)

The psychologist I work with now has many skills and suits me at present with the stage of life i'm in.

I would change the pyschologist and look for someone else if i started to think, feel or know the pyschological care was ineffectual, likewise with a pyschiatrist or GP.

I know this is the boring answer, but therapy is different for everyone. However, different objectives from therapy CAN tie in to each other.

Distraction is not a solution, but it ABSOLUTELY helps in situations of crisis, where the more you think about it, the more you think about it. In those situations, you JUST need to think about something else... literally anything else.

To answer your question, though, for some people, it means goal-setting and problem-solving, but for other people (myself included), it means finding a new perspective.

For me, therapy also means processing. Basically, thinking about the ramifications an event had for you, and reminding/convincing yourself that it wasn't your fault.

I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a bad experience with your therapists... however, that is within them, not the process itself.

For me at the moment, the most therapeutic things are relational:

- experiencing what it's like to try being open about even basic boring stuff, and for it to be ok (or even encouraged) for me to talk about it rather than not saying anything,

- finding ways to put words to the thoughts in my head during a dialogue, rather than only formulating the words when I'm on my own,

- listening to, and accepting in, other perspectives from someone whose opinion I respect, value, and who I believe understands the situation well enough to not just reject their perspective outright. This can include watching/reading online videos or posts/blogs, and they don't even have to be directly talking to me for me to get some value out of it as long as it's presented in a way that gets through the wall. But I need repetitive work there to get my original perspective to budge.