Time for answers...

Hi @BillyGoat, first thing I wanted to pass on is the discussion thread that's active and running for people on the forum with bipolar:

https://saneforums.org/t5/Our-stories/Let-s-talk-about-Bipolar/m-p/1023041

Some members have been talking about their ways of living with bipolar, along with general discussion, daily life, etc.

Personally I relate to your journey, though far less psychiatrists and psychologists and no hospital stays. I am 58 and have had anxiety and depression since early childhood, first big sign of bipolar around 16. Diagnosed with clinical anxiety and depression at 27, bipolar 1 diagnosed when I was 48.

Living with myself has been a rough ride, the hardest of all marriages. Some big colourful episodes I do not regret for the most part as some have been the most interesting and adventurous experiences of my life. But there have also been the much more pervasive years of crippling depression and anxiety.

Not sure what my overall take on how to live with it is. Maybe that little bits of support, enjoyment, smiles and laughter - they can add up over time, and grow as well, I think. Meds help me but I keep them to a bare minimum now because of side effects: a moderate dose of mood stabiliser and an anti-depressant at half the clinical dose. I certainly feel heaps better at 58 than I did when a young adult.

@BillyGoat here are a few other people on the forum living with bipolar who may be interested to reply to your original post.

@bipolarbunny @Bunniekins @Dimity @eth @frog @Klutz @Olga @Meowmy @Former-Member, well wishes all.

I know, I feel only God will ever know. But I do think that we think we have to be better or perfect. But we do not. We can be flawed.

So, be flawed, but so long as your heart is good, so long as your heart is in the right place: you want to do what is right.

Everyone is flawed in different ways. But maybe its not even flaws, maybe its just being a human.

Hi @BillyGoat I think I've probably given up pondering the bigger question of how to live with bipolar as an existential question. I live in a mindful state seldom taking a longer term view and pick my battles choosing issues I'm more likely to be able to change or control. I've floated this way since giving up work several years ago. Yes it's limiting but it preserves my equanimity. Mèdication keeps me in a state of mild depression which is very much preferable to extreme anxiety or paranoia - the euphoria of mania was rare and irritability or workaholics was more common for me.

Diet and exercise are low hanging fruit for me, managed relatively easily. Sleep hygiene and social connection are another level that I've been tackling but need support with. A sense of worth, of purpose, of inclusion, lost when I left work, would make a difference. I think many people can find that through family and friendships.

Cultivating a sense of gratitude and finding happiness in small achievements is very important to me and to others in the Forums - where I'm discovering empathy and mutual support. I trust you'll be able to join in and share some joy, as well as strong shoulders and open arms when times are hard.

Dimity.

Hi @BillyGoat and welcome to the forums. It's great to see you're already making some connections and finding support. I've just posted on the Let`s talk about Bipolar thread if you want to read that - I've put a little about how I manage there.

Sorry not up to a longer post now, but if you have specific questions please don't hesitate to tag me @eth