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Depressed and not coping.

GlowCloudCasual Contributor02 Sept 2016, 1:42 am AEST

Depressed and not coping.

So I've been struggling with depression since after I was told I was in remission from childhood cancer (this was several years ago). I didn't come forward to get any help with my depression until November last year.
Cancer left me with permanent memory damage, along with nerve damage which has lead to carpal tunnel in both hands. While the carpal tunnel can (in theory) be managed, the only treatment that worked turned out to be something I'm allergic to.
Due to this I was unable to complete highschool, and it is unlikely that I will manage to get into university (which has always been a lifelong dream)

I am on medication for my depression, and I'm recieving help from a psychologist, but I still struggle with severe suicidal thoughts and, if anything, they are getting worse.
My doctor has tried several different kinds of SSRI's and different dosages but I have seen no improvement.

I'm really struggling to cope with everything because it's all just getting worse, and all but two of my friends have left me, leaving me with very little support and I really just need some advice or something because I don't know what I'm going to do.

Please help.

3 replies

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In response to: Depressed and not coping.

AppleblossomSenior Contributor02 Sept 2016, 2:06 am AEST

Re: Depressed and not coping.

I hope you have faith in your medical team ... you have been through hoops and deserve it.

It is a pity about friendships ... but maybe letting go those that are immature may help you find your own unique path and then meet people more suited to you in the long run.

Dont give up on uni dreams ... there are many ways to gain entry ... special consideration ... open universities online etc ... and there are disability departments in most campuses ... many unis also have new tertiary readiness programs ... eg Melb uni ... for those from overseas and outside the normal school system ... look outside the box and follow your dream ... you might need to be a bit more creative to get it to happen ... but study is now seen as a lifelong activity and there all kinds of ways to ain entry.

You have had a lot on your plate ... I hope reading and sharing on the forum will help give you a broader perspective on life ... and issues around mental illness.

In response to: Depressed and not coping.

pipSenior Contributor02 Sept 2016, 7:33 am AEST

Re: Depressed and not coping.

@GlowCloud. When you say the cancer left you with severe memory damage, are you talking about the treatment you had for the cancer, or the cancer itself. If you are saying the treatment has left you with memory damage, is there anything you are able to do, or do you need assistance with most things? My ex sister in-law has been receiving chemo for the last 18 months for cancer (which has now gone into her liver). Her memory is terrible, she can't even remember to write things on the calendar. You seem to be computer literate (congrats for that), perhaps you could see about helping others understand and use computers. I'm talking about elderly people, who could be interested, but can't afford to pay a lot. You wouldn't have to do a lot, just teach the basics, how to 'log on', how to use fb, email, perhaps manage their finances. I'm not suggesting all day, every day, I'm talking a couple of days a week. We have a guy at work who has cerebral palsy, he's permanent wheelchair. He arranges our trips, shopping, medicals etc. He has his own computer, he only works three days a week, but he was saying he feels great that he is able to contribute. This way, you would be able to satisfy part of your life. Perhaps have a talk with your psych, see what he/she says about the idea. With AD's unfortunately it can take time to adjust to dosages, side effects etc. Once you find one that works, then you will see improvements but it can take up to 2 weeks before you feel the benefit. I know how hard it is adjusting to AD's, frustrating because you start to feel nothing is working. Please keep persevering, talk to your psych or Dr about side effects, etc.

In response to: Depressed and not coping.

GlowCloudCasual Contributor02 Sept 2016, 4:41 pm AEST

Re: Depressed and not coping.

@Appleblossom My medical teams are pretty good, and I'm very fortunate to have such a good team on my side.
I'm currently trying to apply to several university programs at the moment, and hopefully I will be able to get in, but I have also recieved feedback from some admission boards telling me to apply elsewhere because my circumstances are too extraneous to be able to support a full degree.
Thank you.

@pip It was the cancer treatment. My oncologist believed that because I was on so many high doses, it caused damage to the memory synapses in my brain (usually called "brain-fog") I can function day-to-day will only a small amount of difficulty, most of the time relying on writing on my arms to remember things but I cannot recall memories and I struggle to remember more than two or three things at a time or for longer than 5-10 minutes. I'm terribly sorry to hear about your ex sister-in-law. My thoughts go out to her.
I will talk to my paych about that option because it sounds like something I might be interested in doing.
Because of my tolerance to medications, my doctor has recommended that I wait six weeks before I reevaluate my AD's (unless I experience severe side effects) and I'm only halfway through that at the moment. Hopefully I should see some improvement soon.
Thank you.

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