Feeling helpless and alone...

Hi @Ky_La

My condolences for your lost. It is never easy to grieve the lost of your mother and to top it off worrying about your beloved sister with her mental health. I would like to point out that you need to take care of you. Have you had time to grieve or spoken to someone about it? Please talk to your GP and get a mental health plan so you can deal with your grief and also seek help for your current situation. I found that if you seek counselling, usually they can steer you to the right direction in getting help for your sister. Also they will work with you on how to assist in dealing with your sister. If you don't receive that service try to find a counsellor that offers it. You don't have to stay with one counsellor so find one that fits.

Please also note that you are never alone. There are services that can help you all you need is ask. Try to connect with organisations that deals with people with mental health as there are services for carers or family members.

Blessings and lots of love

@Ky_La Thank you for reaching out on the forums - it can be hard to talk about what's going on with us - I'm glad you're here!

I encourage you to keep reaching out to find support here - you're not alone 🌷

@MIFANTCARER thank you, I do already have a therapist whom I've been seeing regularly for 8 years, so I'm practising self care as much as I can.. I've just never seen my sister this bad and need guidance from people who know/live with people in my sisters position and how to deal with them - how best to approach them and at the same time not add to their pain and anguish.

I know she knows how much this scares me so she distances herself from me which only makes me worry more.

I just don't want to deflect my concerns and anxieties onto her when she's clearly suffering enough.

Appreciate all the guidance I receive here so thank you 🙏

@Former-Member thank you for your support. I do have close friends I can open up to but nobody in my life has anyone in theirs who live with something like this, hence the need to reach out to others who are in my position.

I have my own mental illness and care for children with additional needs, no partner and no parent so this is my lifeline.

Appreciating you getting in touch and offering your support.

Hi @Ky_La

In response in relation to how deal with your sister, you need to take it one step at a time. Allow her to be comfortable to talk to you and be part of your life What I mean is talk to her about you and what you are going through. Make her part of your life too so then she can see that you need her as much as she needs you. Sometimes its the little things that gets them wanting to change.

Also write out a plan on what you want to achieve with your sister. For example - eating - ask her for recipes she recommends that your mum use to make - then ask her to make it. Talk about food your mum use to make that she really liked. Encourage her to make it. Always do the plan as an achievable plan. Never set it to fail. Simple everyday things like - self care - changing clothes - show pictures of clothes that you both use to wear that your mum bought or made.. Simple things.

What I've done in the past is contact my love one and speak to her every second day or so and talk to her about what happen to myself. I would ask her for her opinion even if it does not make sense. I learnt that keeping her in the presence made her start caring for herself. I always tell her that I loved her and never say that she is worrying me unless after awhile when the situation hasn't changed. When ending the conversation I would say I'll call her tomorrow or next day and make that call.

I think both of you just need to have communication that you both use to have when you were younger. Have that rapport so then you have her trust. I would always never tell her the solution to the problem she is experiencing - I would only write down her problem and then set a support plan that will get her a solution. Allow her to tell you the solution to your problem and let her know if it worked or not.

I hope this helps. Best wishes.

Oh @Ky_La I'm so sorry 😭💔

She is sane, it's just that she can not tell what is real/true and what is not real/true. She is constantly trying to figue it out. And truth is most important to her. It's so hard for her inside her mind, trying to fugure it out all the time.

I recommend her being brave and trying to find out what is true. Maybe you can help her with proof of her questions. You need to find out what she is questioning. Probably a LOT. But start with one thing.