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What is happening? Going crazy?

Kit88Contributor31 Aug 2016, 9:27 pm AEST

What is happening? Going crazy?

So after months of struggling with my mental illness (bipolar I rapid cycling with mixed features and BPD) I think im going crazy.

My mood has been all over the place for weeks, 1min I could be fine the next im manic or suicidal. I have not been home in almost 2mths as I believe I was being followed and am now to scared to go home.

Lately though it just feels as though I am being watched and that people are talking about me. Im constantly on edge that someone is going to hurt me. I keep getting quite agitated, irritable and anxious and can't seem to relax at all, I just constantly feel scared. I keep seeing different things like flashes, lights like torches or something, things moving fast out the corner of my eyes and like shadows of stuff but its like noone else seems to notice or wonder/care what it is.

People have been saying/asking me weird questions the last few days which to me doesn't make sense at all as it just doesn't fit in with whats happening like "Do you often not remember what you have just done or said?", "Why are you sitting over there?", "You have no idea what is going on, your so scattered".

I have no idea what's happening but im so scared of everything that has been happening because its like noone cares or believes me for example like when I tell them ive been followed.

Im actually that scared lately I haven't even really been able to sleep because of fear someone will get me.

I don't know what is happening or what to do. I did try and ring my Psychiatrist a few times this week to see if he could help but haven't been able to get an appointment or talk to him over phone.

Can anyone tell me what the hell is going on? Is it me? And what do I do?

16 replies

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In response to: What is happening? Going crazy?

mrkotterSenior Contributor02 Sept 2016, 7:13 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

@NikNik wrote:
That does sound really scary @Kit88
If you want to speak with someone, it might be worth calling Lifeline (13 11 14) or Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 - they might be able to provide the support you were looking for from the mental health team.
Would you be comfortable calling one of these numbers?

Hey @Kit88 I think this is a really good suggestion. I'm also bipolar and I've had those experiences you describe in your first post. Not a lot of fun. Actually, they suck. Just remember to keep challenging those thoughts - they are not real. I know its hard but people do want to help. Is there a friend you can reach out to?

In response to: What is happening? Going crazy?

utopiaSenior Contributor02 Sept 2016, 7:17 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

@Kit88. You could call the hospital and ask to speak to the mental health patient advocate - they may only work Monday to Friday.
You could also try talking to one of the charities / organisations that assist those classed as homeless. They may also help act as an advocate with your psychiatrist and with the gp and hospital.
Please don't give up trying to get the help you not only need, but that you deserve.
Am thinking of you

In response to: What is happening? Going crazy?

KurraSenior Contributor02 Sept 2016, 10:32 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

Hi @Kit88
I had had that situation when you need to keep moving. It's an excruciatingly painful component of bipolar. The last time I was like that I became extremely unwell and I walked constantly until my feet became a bloody pulp. Please get help as soon as you can as this mood state can continue for several weeks. Thinking of you.

In response to: What is happening? Going crazy?

Kit88Contributor03 Sept 2016, 8:09 am AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

I've tried both of those services and they didn't really help much. It's as though they dont understand me either and question me over everything and then tell me if I need help to call the hospital or police and both I have done before and none helped me. The police pretty much didn't believe anything I told them and the hospital (mental health team) pretty much just palm me off.
It is really as though noone can or wants to help.

In response to: What is happening? Going crazy?

girl99Senior Contributor03 Sept 2016, 11:28 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

I feel sorry for you as I have been in this position before and it is scary. I remember thinking people were out to get me and felt I was being followed. There actually was someone threatening me at the time,so I wasn't totally crazy, but my paranoia made it worse. Has someone threatened you or frightened you? Has something triggered or caused this? Can you maybe sit quiety somewhere and try to work out where these thoughts came from?

Is there anywhere you can go to stay for a few days - with a trusted friend or relative? Could someone go with you to your house and help check it out with you? I remember I went to my house and scoped it out (walked around it and checked everything). I stayed there and put things up at the doors and crushed glass so I could hear if someone was entering. Home might be the safest place for you - maybe? Something to think about perhaps? Try to trust yourself with your own feelings and emotions. You know the situation better than anyone.

I personally do not recommend hospitals, as I have seen too many people damaged by the mental health system (it is appalling and many people end up worse off), but l know lots of people will tell you to get medical help. I guess it depends how bad you are feeling.

Good luck.

In response to: What is happening? Going crazy?

KurraSenior Contributor05 Sept 2016, 8:59 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

Hi @Kit88

Sometimes there's nothing better than the dripping tap to eventually getting help. Keep asking, begging for help and if necessary ask to speak with someone higher up in any of these organisations. No person who genuinely needs helped should be refused help.

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