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What is happening? Going crazy?

Kit88Contributor31 Aug 2016, 9:27 pm AEST

What is happening? Going crazy?

So after months of struggling with my mental illness (bipolar I rapid cycling with mixed features and BPD) I think im going crazy.

My mood has been all over the place for weeks, 1min I could be fine the next im manic or suicidal. I have not been home in almost 2mths as I believe I was being followed and am now to scared to go home.

Lately though it just feels as though I am being watched and that people are talking about me. Im constantly on edge that someone is going to hurt me. I keep getting quite agitated, irritable and anxious and can't seem to relax at all, I just constantly feel scared. I keep seeing different things like flashes, lights like torches or something, things moving fast out the corner of my eyes and like shadows of stuff but its like noone else seems to notice or wonder/care what it is.

People have been saying/asking me weird questions the last few days which to me doesn't make sense at all as it just doesn't fit in with whats happening like "Do you often not remember what you have just done or said?", "Why are you sitting over there?", "You have no idea what is going on, your so scattered".

I have no idea what's happening but im so scared of everything that has been happening because its like noone cares or believes me for example like when I tell them ive been followed.

Im actually that scared lately I haven't even really been able to sleep because of fear someone will get me.

I don't know what is happening or what to do. I did try and ring my Psychiatrist a few times this week to see if he could help but haven't been able to get an appointment or talk to him over phone.

Can anyone tell me what the hell is going on? Is it me? And what do I do?

16 replies

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In response to: What is happening? Going crazy?

Unknown userMember01 Sept 2016, 4:34 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

Hello @Kit88, welcome to the Forums. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds as if things are deteriorating and that you're not yet getting the help you need. Might you try to escalate the message to your Psychiatrist? Tell them that it's a crisis (which is subjective anyway) so that they respond? Otherwise it sounds safer for you to be in hospital. Particularly as you are feeling so scared. And the not sleeping will only cause things to deteriorate further. They can keep you safe and help to work out what's going on.

Might you be able to do either of those things?

In response to: What is happening? Going crazy?

utopiaSenior Contributor01 Sept 2016, 6:40 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

@Kit88. I'm sorry things have gotten so scary for you. If you can't manage to speak to your psychiatrist, maybe go and see your gp. They can then contact the psychiatrist on your behalf.
This is what my gp did for me & then organised a referral to hospital for me, as I wasn't safe at that time.
Hospital may be the safest place for you at the moment - where any medication can be reviewed and you can get some proper rest.
I wish you all the best

In response to: What is happening? Going crazy?

Kit88Contributor01 Sept 2016, 7:04 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

Thanks for your reply. I have tried talking to my GP I went there yesterday and told him I was struggling and stuff and can't get a hold of my psych. He basically just kept telling me that if im not going to take my meds that im just going to get worse and end up being taken to court by police and put on an order. He wouldn't listen to me when I repeatedly told him I wasn't on any meds or what was going on really.
Im also scared to go back to hospital, I haven't had good experiences and most of the time they say they can't touch my meds because its up to my psych. So I don't know what to do.

In response to: What is happening? Going crazy?

KurraSenior Contributor01 Sept 2016, 9:07 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

Hi @Kit88

I can truly understand that hospital can be a very negative experience for some people. Hospital has never been a positive experience for me but I have also spent periods in hospital because I've been kept there on court orders and it's been even worse on a court order. You can't refuse medication or even a change of medication if you're on.an order.

As @Former-Member said it does seem that it would be better for you to go to hospital. I suggest that you take yourself to the hospital voluntarily rather than waiting until you're forced to go by the police. You can leave a message for your psychiatrist so he/she knows what is happening.

I have bipolar 1 and frequently had mixed episodes so I've got a fairly good idea of how it may feel for you.

Take care and keep talking to us.

In response to: What is happening? Going crazy?

utopiaSenior Contributor01 Sept 2016, 9:29 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

@Kit88. If you go to hospital, ask a nurse you are comfortable with to talk to your psychiatrist about your medication. Yiu can ask for the nurse to sit in the meeting with your psychiatrist. Also, public hospitals have a mental hhealth advocate who will help you. You may like them to help you talk to your psychiatrist. The mental health advocate are there for the patients - not for the doctors or the hospital.

In response to: What is happening? Going crazy?

Kit88Contributor02 Sept 2016, 3:15 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

Thanks guys. I got in to see my proper GP this morning and tried explaining everything to him that has been going on lately and how im feeling. I dont think he really understood though but he did try and contact my psychiatrist for me but couldn't get through and left a message but I don't think my psych has gotten back to him either as I haven't heard anything.
I also tried calling the mental health team from the hospital however they weren't really much help. They basically said that they can't help me because I don't have a fixed address as I'm not staying really anywhere.
I really dont know what to do anymore, it feels as though noone understands me or what is going on when I try telling them and just like noone can help me anymore.
Im really getting overwhelmed by it all now though, Im exhausted and dont want to have to keep doing this anymore.

In response to: Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

NikNikSenior Contributor02 Sept 2016, 3:49 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

Hi @Kit88

It's great that you went and saw your GP. Sorry to hear that you're having to run around like a headless chook to get some support. It's the last thing you need when you're feeling like this. I hope your psych gets back to you soon.

A few of the other members and moderator have suggested that going to hospital might be a good solution to keep yourself safe. I know you mentioned you haven't had the best experience there in the past, but it sounds like what you're going through right now is quite scary for you.

Would you consider taking the advice of the others about heading into hospital?

In response to: What is happening? Going crazy?

Kit88Contributor02 Sept 2016, 4:14 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

Hi @NikNik

Thanks for your reply. It has been quite hard and scary especially when I don't know what is going on or what to do but overall just really exhausting feeling like I have to be on gaurd all the time and constantly moving around.
It is really like a big fear to go to hospital because I dont want to end up in the psych ward, so I honestly probably wouldn't go. Like about 3weeks ago I got quite overwhelmed by everything then and not knowing what to do and really just feeling alone and like a lost cause that I actually attempted suicide to try and escape but was found by police about 1-2hrs later and of course taken to hospital, but I never got medically cleared until I was discharged so I was able to stay in a medical ward.
It's just that since then its like things are getting worse and more stuff is happening that wasn't happening before, so that is really just confusing and scaring the hell out of me.
I tried the mental health team because I thought they could probably help in some way without me having to go to hospital but all they seem to do is palm me off. I had to ring 5 different locations to be told they can't help because im basically like homeless rather then actually listen to me and offer me support.
I sort of feel that its like noone wants to help, like everyone knows im to messed up and like unhelpable or something and they dont want me in there care knowing that im pretty much just another statistic and they dont want that on there hands.
Even when I have been in hospital before they dont really help me they tell me they can't do anything with my meds that it is up to my psychiatrist.
Im just so stressed out by it all now and sick of noone listening and palming me off.
To me it feels like I am always going to be unwell and I really dont want to live my life like this anymore.

In response to: Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

NikNikSenior Contributor02 Sept 2016, 5:00 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

That does sound really scary @Kit88

If you want to speak with someone, it might be worth calling Lifeline (13 11 14) or Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 - they might be able to provide the support you were looking for from the mental health team.

Would you be comfortable calling one of these numbers?

In response to: Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor02 Sept 2016, 5:42 pm AEST

Re: What is happening? Going crazy?

Hello @Kit88

I have felt fobbed off by many people and services over the years. my current circumstances are different to yours but I have experienced homelessness a few times and have a big respect for the difficulties living that way.

It is good that you got in to a GP and they tried. Keep posting here and find people ... wherever .. on the street ... in the charities ... that do the right thing by you.

Even in the last few years I have seen the issues get worse in my city and it makes me very sad. Not sure where you are ... city, town or country ... but plug into whatever services you can.

Take Care

Apple

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