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Centaurs attempt at a new life

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor20 Apr 2021, 1:48 am AEST

Centaurs attempt at a new life

Nearly 2 weeks ago I decided to do something about the state of my life and move to the other side of the country.

The start was oh so high and fun...a new city to explore, new sites to see, new food to try, family to meet etc.

But then it crashed and the beginning of last week and reality hit. Like what am I actually doing, can I do this and why did i bother. I even spent my birhday yesterday in the psych ward. But for what. My life can't be fixed.

so why am I trying to do about that and do something different. Like there is no point.

I am homeless, with no support; stuck in in a city I don't know. Its like I'm just running from people that exist in my own head and a past I can't forget. Whatever this new life was supposed to be is just a delusion. I can't escape from it, it's like I'm stuck foever.

Why did I think I could actually change. I don't even deserve to. I deserve the pain and the torture. I deserve to be trapped here all alone. I deserve nothing but this missery I put myself through. I deserve nothing but death....

390 replies

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In response to: Centaurs attempt at a new life

JynxModerator22 May 2021, 9:33 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Hey @The-red-centaur

Sounds really rough, please know I'm sitting with you. Just flicked a little email through too

In response to: Centaurs attempt at a new life

saltandpepperSenior Contributor23 May 2021, 7:39 am AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

G'day @The-red-centaur good to hear from you. Have also thought of you as well, and have been meaning to check in with ya.

Aw look mate, it's a new place and I think that follows that it's gonna take a bit of time to adjust and settle in.

It's ok you're finding it tough to communicate, give it some time. When we're feeling guarded it's hard to be vulnerable and open up, that will only change with time, and that's ok.

I am glad to know they're keeping a close eye on ya.

I hear you, you're going through an incredibly tough time there. I think there's a lot that has to happen to us to get to the point of wanting to give up. It's years of struggling and fighting just to stay alive. And it's rough. It takes a lot for someone to get to a point of giving up, so I think it makes sense it's going to take some time for that to all shift. It's not gonna be fun, but it can shift. I believe it can. I know it can. It won't happen over night, but that's ok, it takes time to heal and get your strength back. And I think it should take as long as it needs to really. We deserve to acknowledge the pain we've been in and address it, it's not something to shove to the side and dismiss. You deserve the chance to work through your pain and heal.

Try to get in to some drawing again yeah? Can be a good way to get those thoughts out of your head. Just draw, rest, be patient with yourself. Drawing can also be a good way to communicate without having to use words.

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor23 May 2021, 11:54 am AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

I did a few more against guidelines...but yeh drawing helped a bit @saltandpepper

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

saltandpepperSenior Contributor23 May 2021, 1:47 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Excellent @The-red-centaur keep with it 👍

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor23 May 2021, 6:34 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

I'm so sick of trying anymore...

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Unknown userMember23 May 2021, 7:09 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Hey @The-red-centaur,

I'm sorry to hear today is a tough one. Do you think it might be more helpful right now to reach out to your one-on-one supports or a helpline?

Lifeline: 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467

I'll be thinking of you,

Sphinxly 🐣

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

soppykatSenior Contributor23 May 2021, 7:36 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

hi @The-red-centaur - get well soon ok - i love your artwork too

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

saltandpepperSenior Contributor23 May 2021, 10:42 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Hope you get some rest tonight @The-red-centaur and keep pumping out those drawings for us 👍

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor25 May 2021, 9:02 am AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Don't know if I can do this again
Like watching myself drown
These days it's hard to pretend
I've fallen, will I stay down?
...
How many times do I have to fall, before I find home in the dirt?
-enemy - Designer Disguise

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor26 May 2021, 6:42 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Lol they've taken me off one to one ...I wasn't safe with it so they thought it's pointless and reinforces the behaviours.
Yeh but now....you know...it's so much easier...to you know...which i totally plan to do...

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