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Centaurs attempt at a new life

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor20 Apr 2021, 1:48 am AEST

Centaurs attempt at a new life

Nearly 2 weeks ago I decided to do something about the state of my life and move to the other side of the country.

The start was oh so high and fun...a new city to explore, new sites to see, new food to try, family to meet etc.

But then it crashed and the beginning of last week and reality hit. Like what am I actually doing, can I do this and why did i bother. I even spent my birhday yesterday in the psych ward. But for what. My life can't be fixed.

so why am I trying to do about that and do something different. Like there is no point.

I am homeless, with no support; stuck in in a city I don't know. Its like I'm just running from people that exist in my own head and a past I can't forget. Whatever this new life was supposed to be is just a delusion. I can't escape from it, it's like I'm stuck foever.

Why did I think I could actually change. I don't even deserve to. I deserve the pain and the torture. I deserve to be trapped here all alone. I deserve nothing but this missery I put myself through. I deserve nothing but death....

390 replies

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In response to: Centaurs attempt at a new life

AnastasiaSenior Contributor12 June 2021, 5:18 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Thank you @Former-Member 🙏

In response to: Centaurs attempt at a new life

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor12 June 2021, 5:20 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

@Anastasia BB and RESPECT both wouldn't talk to me coz I'm inpatient. Fuck this world. When you need help no one wants to know you or wants to listen.

(I know you guys do but I want verbal or ftf) and in
here it's goingg nowhere with the nurses. I'm thinking I should go and let someone else deal with this. Red can't, I can't, there are some alters who may I guess.....FCK! Sorry, iI need to leave now.

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Unknown userMember12 June 2021, 5:35 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

@The-red-centaur I'm sorry to hear that you're not feeling supported tonight. It's hard when you're making the effort to reach out and it feels like it's not working. Please keep trying, there is support out there. I have just sent you a quick check in email

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

AnastasiaSenior Contributor12 June 2021, 5:37 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Oh @The-red-centaur I am so sorry.

I have found Lifeline helpful, could you try them. I am sorry the situation seems useless, please keep at it, you'll eventually get someone who will listen 👂 more importantly who will hear you hunny

@Former-Member @SJT63 @saltandpepper

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor12 June 2021, 5:58 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

@Anastasia new nurses came on shift not long ago. We ranted to ours and got some meds. For now we are safe and even though another alter is in charge they are a badass and will get through this. Ree just couldn't cope anymore, she's resting and will be ok. For now we just have to manage who ever is out and deal. Normally the red centaur doesn't let alters out but I think it's time they do. Red centaur needs to face their past, as best as we they can and if they have to rely on us to cope atm I think it is ok.

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

AnastasiaSenior Contributor12 June 2021, 6:22 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

So happy new nurse is helping @The-red-centaur

Here with you during this tricky time. You've got this hunny x

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

saltandpepperSenior Contributor12 June 2021, 7:12 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

@The-red-centaur I wish I could return the wonderful support you gave me earlier. Your heartfelt message was just... It was everything. I am going to do as @Anastasia suggested and print it out (when I get some more ink) and stick it next to my bed. I'm so grateful to you, and while my brain is doing some poo's at the moment, I'm sitting with you and offering a hand to hold while you go through this. I wish I could do more Centaur, but I'm here

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

AnastasiaSenior Contributor12 June 2021, 7:26 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Here too @The-red-centaur @saltandpepper 🙏💕

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor12 June 2021, 10:13 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

We just spent last few hours colouring, trying to find our centre again. Now this centaur is tired and needs sleep.

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

TABSenior Contributor12 June 2021, 10:15 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Sleep Well @The-red-centaur

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.