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Centaurs attempt at a new life

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor20 Apr 2021, 1:48 am AEST

Centaurs attempt at a new life

Nearly 2 weeks ago I decided to do something about the state of my life and move to the other side of the country.

The start was oh so high and fun...a new city to explore, new sites to see, new food to try, family to meet etc.

But then it crashed and the beginning of last week and reality hit. Like what am I actually doing, can I do this and why did i bother. I even spent my birhday yesterday in the psych ward. But for what. My life can't be fixed.

so why am I trying to do about that and do something different. Like there is no point.

I am homeless, with no support; stuck in in a city I don't know. Its like I'm just running from people that exist in my own head and a past I can't forget. Whatever this new life was supposed to be is just a delusion. I can't escape from it, it's like I'm stuck foever.

Why did I think I could actually change. I don't even deserve to. I deserve the pain and the torture. I deserve to be trapped here all alone. I deserve nothing but this missery I put myself through. I deserve nothing but death....

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In response to: Centaurs attempt at a new life

AnastasiaSenior Contributor03 June 2021, 7:39 am AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Hello @The-red-centaur

You know how I said I can't draw well this popped up and I had to share it with you.

Yours and mine haha 😃

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor03 June 2021, 8:41 am AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

@saltandpepper hey
@Anastasia Awesome meme 😂

I've been up since 3am colouring and drawing. The stuff I drew would break guidelines. But I'll share some I did yesterday.
I had a weird sleep, dr's and doing stuff with my meds that make me feel weird. The rest of the day I don't know what's happening. There's usually some OT thing in the morning...which I usually just make her drag out the paints.

I hope you both are well

@TAB hey, there usually isn't some magical words to to make it better. But seeing everyone here made me smile/cryish.

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor03 June 2021, 8:48 am AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Another note for this morning....I feel so selfish..so many people care like you guys, random people from Tas I used to know, I still have my dad, even people in Perth and the staff seem to care and want to keep me alive. It really gets to me that that isn't even a protective factor atm, I'm sorry.
I'm going to take a break from the forum a few days. I know you all here care. But it's probably better to rely on the face to face supports I have. I dont want to trigger anyone anymore. This platform may not be appropriate for someone in my condition. I dont want to drag anyone down or cause unnecessary distress by comments.

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor03 June 2021, 9:08 am AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

TABSenior Contributor03 June 2021, 10:38 am AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Good Morning @The-red-centaur hope your day goes better today

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

TABSenior Contributor03 June 2021, 10:52 am AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Dont take things out on yourself @The-red-centaur you had a big adventure..

Hope the nurses are nice, I landed in hosp in Perth around Easter, went home after 4 days not 5 ha ha lol .. staff were really good . I got used to wandering around in gown and pj bottoms lol, guess really did not care after being told nearly died, had blood clots in lungs.

take care @The-red-centaur hope you get home soon if thats what you want. You could write about your trip ?

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

AnastasiaSenior Contributor03 June 2021, 11:10 am AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Hey @The-red-centaur

I am glad it made you laugh - your pics this morning reinforces just how talented you are!!!!

Here for you always my friend. If you need a break, will be here waiting for your return, take care xox

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

saltandpepperSenior Contributor03 June 2021, 8:16 pm AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

@The-red-centaur I don't know what to say... I wish you wouldn't disappear but you gotta do what you gotta do. I really hope you stay safe my friend. Will be thinking of you.

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor06 June 2021, 4:59 am AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

try to smile, try to fight
Just say I'm okay
But every day feels like it's killing me

In response to: Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

saltandpepperSenior Contributor06 June 2021, 7:34 am AEST

Re: Centaurs attempt at a new life

Hey Centaur, really glad to hear from you. You're doing it tough but still fighting, I'm proud of you @The-red-centaur

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.