JannaSenior Contributor
Needing a little support 🙄
Hi people 😊
I’m reaching out for a bit of support for myself tonight. As some of you would be aware my son suffers with major depressive disorder and social anxiety at a level that has profoundly affected his entire life (and mine). In March of this year he was accepted into a residential care (conjoined Dept of Health/Dept of Education) facility for intensive treatment. The turn around has been remarkable when compared to where he was prior to admission. He’s gone from being an adolescent totally disengaged from life in every possible way, to now functioning in a manner that is compatible with life.
This facility runs its programs in 4 stages - the last of which is “integration”. This is exactly the phase/stage that my son is in right now. Integration means that they slowly wean the individual back into life relative to where they are and what their goals and abilities are. My son has chosen to continue with school and try to do his HSC. In keeping with this the facility, together with my son and I, have worked hard to find a school that is the “best fit” for his needs and one which he is happy to give a go. He does not want to return to any school he’s been to before, for fear of the shame attached to his extended absence. Neither is he interested or willing to assimilate into a regular local public school for valid reasons. He therefore has chosen, and been accepted into an SSP school, which specialises in adolescents with emotional disturbances and who have been diagnosed with a mental health disorder. This whole process is very, very complicated and if any other forum member needs or wants any direction regarding their school aged child and mental health disorders please feel free to ask me as I feel I have a very good understanding of the process and may be able to offer some guidance and advice.
So back to the issue at hand. My son is borking at integration. It’s challenging him and he is very negative about it. He is severely anxious about the change. We have been in the early stages of integration for the past few weeks (which is why I have been somewhat absent from the forums) and we have an integration plan for the next several weeks that not only increases his attendance at the school, but also places increasing pressure on me to facilitate this change by being able to drive him to and fro, here and there. At the very least my driving commitments for this from this week forward are a minimum of 10 hours and will increase to around 16 hours per week over the next 3-4 weeks. I’m subsequently feeling quite overwhelmed by this and spinning out about how I can do this and work and housekeep and be a mother to my daughter and a carer to my 87 year old mum and toggle my contacts with my abusive ex-husband and somehow fit in some self-care. Additionally his “at home” nights are increasing, from 1 night this week, to 2, then 3, 4, etc. Argh ….
Just to add another layer to this is the fact that my son’s emotional needs are going to, and have already, increase(d) significantly as “we” try to integrate him. I’ve already had snippets of his anxiety presented to me and am finding it difficult to cope with.
The long and short of this is that I am feeling overwhelmed, scared and alone. I’m fearful that once he returns home and is faced with attending school every day in a regular way that things will resort to exactly the same place they were in before he entered this program. I have to be honest and say that I have a s*load of apprehension and a dwindling confidence which is being fuelled by his resistance and some negative feedback I’ve received from his teacher.
I have a good threshold of tolerance for adversity, but once tipped I go down a very fast slippery slope of no return and when I get into that zone, that exists on the other side of rationality, I am no good for myself, let alone my son. I need words of encouragement and support.
One thing I’d like to add is this. The focus and the locus of all of this has been, and is, around my son .. and rightfully so. However, throughout this entire experience there has been very little support for me as his primary and sole carer. In my mind the health and well-being of any individual can only be as good as the health and well-being of their immediate environment and the people contained within it. For example: what would be the point of rehabilitating a drug addict only to return them to a drug using house! The point I’m trying to make is that my well-being, stability and capabilities are important components that should not be overlooked. If Mum cracks due to overwhelm, where will that leave my son? Herein lies the entire need to have a “carers” forum like this where individual like myself can offload and seek support in the absence of getting this elsewhere.
Hope you understand.
Love Janna ❤️
