Just kick me in the guts

@saltandpepper Hi saltandpepper hugs and hugs my friend. It is tough but will get better given time. Speaking from experience. There are many fish in the sea and your are a super guy. Get yourself better first though mentally and physically you deserve that. Am here for you. peax

Thanks @Bunniekins not even sure what to think of it all right now. Feels like shit obviously, and it's hard not to see it as a reflection on myself. Not good enough. Not even worth enough for a little honesty. And my head tells me this is what I deserve. They lied to me before, many times, but this just takes the cake. And what fu*king fantastic timing. One piece of shit piled onto another. Excellent.

As for other fish, can't imagine I'd want to put myself through any of this ever again. I can count the amount of successful and healthy relationships I've had in life on one hand. And it's not all been the other persons fault--parental failures I know now weren't my responsibility. But personal relationships, friendships, I've self destructed a lot of those. I wish I had treated people better, I wish that I could say I deserve a kind and loving relationship, but I don't think I do. I'm not a healthy person, I'm not mentally stable, I'm an asshole when I wanna be. I probably got what I deserved here. Even so, it still hurts all the same.

@saltandpepperI know what you mean I found out my ex was having an affair when I was acutely ill with mania and then he left me and my children to fend for ourselves.He is extremely apologetic about it now Although I have forgiven him it is really too late. I just dont trust men any more to be truthful. I wouldnt want a relationship with anyone I just want to be left alone. Anyway take care of your health my friend that is what is most important. Love peax

Its hard @saltandpepper but things do change like @Bunniekins said.

I bought a good shirt for my son to wear to his dad's new marriage, then found out months later that the wedding fell through ... and she left the country. Stuff happens ...

@Bunniekins I'm so sorry to hear that Pea. At a time when you needed support he abandoned you. What a c***. If he has the capability to do something like that to you, you're likely to be better off with him out of the picture. I hope his apology brought you some closure from the relationship, but I imagine it's left some deep scars.

I'm not going to lie, I do get exhausted having to be accountable to someone all the time. Now I don't have to factor in my partner to everything I might be able to focus more on getting well. Relationships are challenging, maybe it'll be for the best...

@Appleblossom that's rough, and actually sounds similar to a couple I once knew. Married for a year only to end up living on opposite sides of the world.

oh Pea, my ex had an affair while i was in hospital giving birth to our daughter. men! @Bunniekins

@saltandpepper

There are pros and cons in being single and coupled. While single, you may as well get some of the benefits. My son was about 9 and needed something nicer, but it was like a kni fe in the guts at the time. No one told me immediately the wedding fell through, it came out over the months as she was no longer around. I am glad I did the right thing by my son, and that she left as she was a controlling so and so.

Some of the good things about being single is that we can figure out our triggers and get a handle on things without feeling the confusion of too many things going on in our intimate and home space.