Help. Please.

He sounds a true delight @saltandpepper and a lucky young fella to have you as a dad. Fully understand your desire to ensure he does not grow up with the same issues you endured. But I expect he will still be a little chip off the old block though ... just without all the baggage you have. 😔🌹

So dont wish for him to be nothing like you. Instead, wish for him to be the you that you should have been allowed to become had all that sh*t not happened.

At the end of the day, he will still be his own unique self.

Emelia

Aw that hits me right here @Emelia8 --you can't see me--my heart is what I mean. I haven't thought of it like that before. That's a much nicer way to look at it. I'm terrified of anything like that ever happening to him, and have been terrified at the thought of turning into either one of my parents. But I guess if those things don't happen to him, he won't turn out like me. If I can give him what I didn't have, maybe he'll have a shot at a happy and decent life. He sure as Hell deserves it.

Hey @Anastasia I'm aftaid to ask, but how did your day go? Have been thinking of you

Oh @saltandpepper it's all so much. I'll get back to you buddy I'd that's ok. Thank you for thinking of me ☺️

Yeah of course @Anastasia hope you and your boys are coping ok

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@saltandpepper wrote:

Hey @NatureLover thanks for thinking of me but nah, responsibility is not my friend

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Fair enough!

And I know what it's like want to lie in bed endlessly (and to do it). I'm glad to hear that you're out of the particularly dark patch you were in a few weeks back.

Trying hard to keep myself together for the sake of my son. Trying. Physically capable today, that's something. Went out for a while, did some dishes, cooked dinner. Physically more productive than I have been for a while. But in my head. I'm wishing I didn't make it home the other night. I'm wishing that getting drunk and driving home came at a price. I wish I didn't come home.

Felt better this morning, felt capable. And then it just comes in these soul crushing waves. I just don't want to live like this anymore. Just in pain. Struggling. Trying to hide it. Pretending that I'm ok, someone I'm not. I just want to let go. Thinking about calling life line later. It didn't go well last time though. I'm too awkward. It's too hard to say what I want and need to say.

Things have been such a mess in my head again lately. Think I've cried more in the past couple weeks than I have in... Ever really. Just don't feel like I have any control over my mind anymore. I just want to get drunk, all the time. And I know it doesn't help, I know it's not going to go anywhere good. But if that's all I can do to cope than what's the point? So I can go down the alcoholic path and wreak havoc upon the few people that can still stand to be around me? That's just pointless. It all feels pointless. It's always pointless. I always end up back here. Always.

You've been doing an amazing job of keeping it together @saltandpepper I'm not surprised you're at your limit. You've been through a hell of a lot. I'm glad you made it home, from the depths of my soul I mean that. Sitting with you dear friend 🤗

Hey @saltandpepper, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I can see there is a lot of hopelessness for you and a desire to escape. I'm feeling worried about you so i'll check and chat privately via email. I'm glad you've got crisis lines in mind.

Here with you,

Sphinxly

@saltandpepper 👂🤗🙏💞