Help. Please.

Hey @BlueBay 👋

@Anastasia sending off that invoice today for work that I'm not even sure if I can do. I know I have to because money but I can't get anything done these days. Motivation is hard to come by. I shouldn't be drinking it always makes it worse and too easy for shit to come back. I just want to numb everything and forget and just find a way to function again. And I feel terrible tagging you in this be cause you're going through so fu*king much--more than I could bare. I'm sorry. I'm drunk. Less control when drunk. Unfortunate coincidence tonight bringing shit up that's best not to think about especially when drunk. I should just go to ge I think and sleep it off.

I really appreciate chatting to you on here and I hope everything went well tonight, hope your dad is doing OK and recovering

Oh buddy,

@saltandpepper

Don't think tonight, not when drinking. You sent it off, you'll find a way.

Can I tell you a secret?

Ask the Universe.

It sounds silly but it works.

Always ask for what you really want from the Universe rather than studying the problem. If you dont know what you want, ask what else is possible here that I haven't considered yet?

I'm sorry it's a :pile_of_poo: day / night for you. Wish I could make it better.

So hard when money's tight and gotta work when really not up to it. Sux really 😔

@saltandpepper never apologise for tagging me. Makes me happy to be tagged 🙏

@Anastasia universe has seemingly scolded me time and time again--nof that I think the universe has any vested interest in the out come of my life.

How was your Dad ton8ght?

It will do that you have to

B E L I E V E and have

F A I T H and H O P E and

T R U S T the process

Can you try for me @saltandpepper ? Please?

He's ok, looks so old sitting there wrapped in a blanket. Very sad. Marginally improved from this morning so that's good 🙏

Thank you for asking ☺️

We all look sad wrapped in blankets @Anastasia but imglax there has been some improvement

I think I should go to bed and replace it off. Maybe

Triggering stuff just fu*king everything up. Uh . Wish I could stop my brain . So sick of thinking about it over Md over again. Knew I should have gone to my mates place tonight. It's getting to that ugly place where I just want to break stuff and hurt and it's only happening because I'm drunk. Shouldn't drink. Alone.

Not so fu*king amazing am I. Just fu*ked up like the rest of the world really. Nothing special or new. .

Ugh. Sorry @Anastasia I'm going to go to bed now I think. Tha ms for the chat

Hey @saltandpepper I still happen to think you're pretty amazing. Don't be hard on yourself. Sleep it off.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Virtual hugs in abundance my special friend 🙏✔️👍💤😪

@Anastasia 🤗

Well this is a bit shit. Managed to open up and talk about the things that happened to me as a kid and shared it on my other thread Memories and it got taken down. Other posts I've made I understand why they were taken down. But I don't get it this time. Why can't I talk about what happened to me? It wasn't an easy post to make. And it felt like a step forward. Now it just feels like it's getting reaffirmed that talking about it is wrong. And I know that it's not. Sure it's uncomfortable to read and write about it. But why does that mean it has to be taken down? The conversations across this forum can be equally as "triggering". I literally just read a post another forum member made a long time ago about a similar assault, almost word for word talking about being at their home when it happened. Why does my shit always get taken down? People talk about suicide on here, hurting themselves, a whole lot of dark and emotional stuff. But that's the point isn't it? We talk, we confide, we share, we hear other people and relate to their stories, we heal.

Not going to lie, I'm kind of angry that my post got taken down because the content is "triggering". I really don't understand. Finally managing to put things into words of some sort and that moment, that step forward, gets taken away. Now I don't have those words even for myself anymore. They're gone. It's like I never said anything. What a kick in the guts.

I'm sorry too @saltandpepper .

Its hard enough getting the words out in the first place. But its equally hard (and downright frustrating) when it feels as though your experiences and feelings are invalidated.

I didnt get to read your post before it was taken down. I will say that I too was assaulted in my own home. And I too have had numerous posts removed due to triggering content. I admit there have been times I have just thrown my hands up in the air, cried and yelled "why even bother?"

But soon the initial deep sense of hurt, the frustration, the feelings of rejection will subside. Yes it is helpful to talk about these things. I have found it so. So take a breath and let things settle for a bit. Well done for doing that post. It would have taken great courage.

You would have received an email from mods giving guidance on what you need to edit in order for your post to go live again. I know the edited version will not be the full and true story, but its still worthwhile to get it out there.

And while Im here ... I discovered something new about you last night, re drinking etc ... you're human! 🌹 Welcome to the club.

Emelia