Help. Please.

Hey @BlueBay yeah still fighting it out in my head at the moment. Had an app with my GP today and she's very nice, caring, trying so hard to encourage me to keep going. She's given me some recs for books re trauma recovery etc so I'll have a browse at that sometime this week.

To be honest, I'm struggling to find motivation to want to do any better. You know the go for walks eat healthy yadayada they tell you to help manage depression. I know in the past I've had that fight in me, and I've even seen a lot of good days over the past couple of years. But ugh. It's not letting up this time. I don't have any give in me to want to try this time. Finding it very hard to claw my way out this time. I keep thinking about letting go. It keeps cycling through my head, just every few minutes, over and over. If I can hang on long enough, maybe things will go back to how they were--not great, but manageable, stable.

Organised some more stuff around the house today. Packing things up, tossing away the crap. Didn't tell my GP that or what I did friday. She asked, but I think I frightened her at my last app when I told her how I was feeling, so just didn't wanna pile on.

Anyway, yeah, still pretty much stuck in this same head space. Nothing new to report really, but thanks for checking in @BlueBay

@TAB @MDT @Appleblossom @NatureLover

Hope things get better for you @saltandpepper

You're welcome @saltandpepper

I get the stuff going round in your head. I chatted online tiday and noticed I'm trying to self sabotage so I don't go to work next week.
it's terrible. I do understand what you mean.
snd it's so hard to explain to the ones close to us.

Cheers @TAB appreciate it 🍻

Aw @BlueBay I hope you found a way to celebrate your achievement and haven't gone straight to anxiety about it. You should definitely get that blanket off your daughter hey? May come in handy this week?

Yeah well I don't have to worry about explaining myself to anyone anymore, ex leaving has taken care of that.

Yes @saltandpepper anxiety has taken over big time.
self sabotage

not caring

I hid under my blankets tiday in darkness

I'm not eating much at all

I feel sick

Hey @saltandpepper

I read your long post, and there was so much in it, some productive and loving.

Then there was the fear and research. I have done that sort of thing in the past and it can feel a little dangerous.

Pluses to tidying up your space can help make things and life generally easier, even if sometimes your mind puts a less pleasant slant on it. There is energy and motivation in the actions of tidying and organising stuff.

Drinking is a depressant mostly. Its only party time at the beginning. Somehow I managed not to get caught up in it, but have had my issues. Its great if being on the forum distracts you from drinking, even watching movies might help.

Good to hear about your son.

Sorry cant write much atm.

Cheers Apple

Hey Apple @Appleblossom thanks for dropping in. How have you been getting on? Yeah research is usually helpful, really the first time it's not been very helpful. I will talk to psych about what I found, see what he thinks, he might be able to kick me out of the loop I've trapped myself in there.

Yeah I mean either way the house is getting sorted, that's good. Yeah I don't honestly know why I feel like I need to drink. I logically know it doesn't help my mood and makes it too easy for me to give in to those thoughts. I really don't know. But fu*k I'd love to have one right now. But I won't. Probably try to wait til after my psych app on Friday. Maybe.