LostAngelSenior Contributor
being ok with being withdrawn in gloomy weather
Hi all I woke up this morning with the thought that life is not a fairytale,did manage to be motivated to get some things done during the day then I was strangely quite happy to be dark and moody for the rest of the day ,Im withdrawing in the sense Im not talking to those around me very much,at times depressed but oddly watching dark type movies meaning more kind of horror or battle movies to deal with feeling down,there is something theraputic watching people in a movie fight a physical or emotional battle rather than having to think about your internal thoughts for a while,besides that the weather has been very rainy and as that has suited my current mood for spending time alone Ive been ok with the rainy weather,Ive more or less been hibernating today ,drinking more coffee and coca cola than I normally do a day also eating comfort food chocolate lol,probly should talk to someone maybe a phone call soon to a family member but mostly managing ok,some negative thoughts mainly about my life choices ect and thoughts of whats the point of trying to date anyone,maybe I should stay single ect,but I am happy about what I managed to get done today,at least I know the house is clean,Ive got the heater going I geuss Im just trying to have some alone time anyway to think some things through about where I am direction wise in life and figuring out what my options are to get emotional needs met,should it be through dating random guys,should it be through family or should I join a church whos church members keep inviting me to,should I just settle for less of what I need or want in terms of trying to have a relationship with someone or should I be very specificand picky about who I date or who spend time with in general,do I really know what I want yet or no,part of me is tired of the online fasade of trying to get to know people physically online and yet still not meeting people in person although I do have one possible date lined up this week although the thoughts crossed my mind to cancel on him lat minute its not really cause of these guys either its just more about my emotional state ect so much work is it worth it trying to find someone,will I find someone that sort of things,nice guys or the right guy is so hard to find,begingging to wonder if Im looking in the wrong place,and then church brings up more questions,should I go to church,would I be welcomed in church,honestly I feel a bit unworthy to be going to church at the momment although Im open to the idea of going to church I feel unworthy within myself after some of my recent online dating behaviour ect,in some ways I do feel alone though,I know I shouldnt let myself stay alone but I just do feel alone,sometimes there can be alot of varied options of things and ways to get somewher in life that it takes a long time to choose exactly which way to go,and figure out whats most important all the questions Ive wrote here dont nessaserilly need to answered by any forum friends they are just questions im asking myself,feeling doubtfull
