UPDATE!

Hello!

I just had the counselling session I was talking about yesterday. I am at home, not in hospital, so that's good news.

The session began really positively. It was mostly about visualising a positive outcome. She talked about how important it is to be active in trying to change your life. I hinted at my suicidal thoughts, but not in detail.

Towards the end of the first hour, I was watching the clock, because I enjoyed talking positively, but sometimes it's kind of missing the point. I had to make it clear that I was really worried about the extent of my suicidal thoughts, and how they have become more than just thoughts.

Kindly, she extended my appointment, because she was worried about my safety. She said that she was reluctant to let me go.

At one point, she said that she may have to call the Mental Health Team and get them to do a full assessment. It didn't come to that.

After she heard more, she found that my plan wasn't impulsive in nature. There are a lot of steps along the way, and so there are a lot of opportunities for me to pull out and seek help. I came up with the idea of going to a specific place that I find comforting, instead of going to the site of my attempt. It's like an escape road.

She got me to do a safety plan and she made another appointment for Monday, to talk about my thoughts in more detail.

She said that she's going to have to be upfront with me about the possibility of going to hospital, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

As tangible and convincing as suicide seems to be right now, I have been dealing with these thoughts for a long time, so I'm pretty sure I can survive for four more days.

I'm so tired, but looking to rest up. Work tonight. That's going to be unpleasant, but I'll be OK.

Thank you so much, guys.