Let`s talk about Bipolar

@Former-Member @HenryX @Bunniekins it's so good to hear you and other friends are making progress. My low mood of recent weeks is easing too with more positive contact with family and restarting therapy. I'll know I'm better if and when I can get into the garden again and hopefully the weather will be kind.

@Appleblossom I'm curious whether your inner castle echoes St Teresa of Avila - just wondering. And poetry is a great consolation. @bipolarbunny is our homegrown talent and gives me both joy and relief.

Tagging doesn't always work well on my tablet but I appreciate the kindliness and good humour of @Meggle and so many others. Greetings too to @Olga and @rivergal and @Shaz51 .

Have a restful night everyone and a great Sunday. Sending fortitude to Sydney friends.

Cheers, Dimity.

Hi @Dimity

Great to know that you are feeling an improvement and pleased to see you "back on deck". Look forward to hearing about your garden activities. It's very cold over here in the West at the moment, but from peoples' comments, that applies to most of the southern part of Australia.

Tagging is a bit hit and miss at the moment, however, I think that most get through and any that don't will hopefully be able to catch up when they return to their favourite threads and connections.

Best Wishes

HenryX

Welcome back @Dimity and @Olga glad you are feeling stronger ❤️

Hello

@Anastasia @Meggle @bipolarbunny @Mazarita @Shaz51 @Sophia1 @Always-hope @frog

@Appleblossom @greenpea @Dimity @Olga

As a result of arranging for and attending visits with a counsellor, I am reviewing my own approach to counselling and would like your thoughts on the following essay regarding:

How to Deal with the Various Presenting Issues and their Origin, in a Counselling

and or Therapy Environment.

The issues, the way I perceive them are symptoms presenting now, and causal events, being those from which many, or all of the symptoms originate.

I have difficulty in delving into my memories of past traumatic events, particularly when they have caused me a great deal of distress, anxiety, fear, hurt, anger, and the subsequent experience of depression and other issues. There are so many more feelings, reactions and responses that are associated with my past negative experiences, of which other people would be likewise familliar and aware of in their own lives.

As a result of some aspects of my present life, that have been, what I would refer to as, dysfunctional, I have just recently arranged to again talk with a counsellor – sixth visit this coming week. The last time that I spoke with a psychologist was probably about 15 - 20 years ago.

It appears, from assessment of the issues that I am endeavouring to address in my life right now, that I suffer from elements of OCD, in addition to already diagnosed severe depression. The depression is being managed, in part by medication and ongoing activity and involvement in my community, and more recently, this forum. There are other issues being dealt with as well.

It has long been apparent to me, that the issues that I face have their roots or origin in events that occurred in my childhood and teenage years. I have tried to ignore those events, tried to treat them as if they don't exist, are unimportant, or do not have any effect on my life. However, the connection between those events of origin, and subsequent events in my life, that may also have been associated with those earlier events, and have caused me significant distress, is something of which I have become increasingly aware. The recent cyclone and activity, brought these issues to a head.

Unfortunately, if I do not address my memories, feelings and perceptions arising from them, they go 'underground', in a manner of speaking. The memories and feelings are so indelibly etched into my psyche, that they become like a “cyst” in the subconscious. That “cyst” may be either benign or malignant. Until I deal with that “cyst”, I believe that it continues to effect everything I do on a daily basis. That mental “cyst” becomes a blockage to important aspects of my life and can displace functional elements of my day to day existence. In a fashion, similar to severe physical problems that cause various levels of disability, I can be mentally disabled, to some degree, by those subconscious “cysts”.

At my initial discussion with the counsellor, to whom I am speaking, I made the comment that:

“I am annoyed that I am still dealing with the effects of events that occurred in my childhood, at my age.”

And since those events in childhood, many other aspects of my life have been adversely effected by my maladaptive ways of attempting to cope and deal with the “fallout” of those events. I am 71 this year. However, I know, that should I continue to choose not to deal with my responses and reactions to conscious or sub-conscious memories and perspectives that exist in my mind, I am choosing to let them continue to adversely effect the whole, or a considerable part of my life in the future.

I believe that I cannot fully address the psychological problems that I have diagnoses for now, until I face the mental “cyst” like issues in my conscious and sub-conscious mind. Medications for the symptoms, unfortunately do not deal with the foundation problems. Indeed, medications can often, in the form of side effects, further contribute to problems in my life. I am not saying that medications are not good, but that I can reduce the need for them by addressing the causes of problems and difficulties in my life, rather than just the symptoms.

I can often avoid or go round, over or under the presenting symptoms, but that does not address the cause. In most cases, the strategies that I use to avoid facing the foundation cause of my psychological problems are maladaptive, and possibly take more psychological energy, over the longer term, than addressing and dealing with the foundational causes, within a relatively short time, however difficult that may be.

"Maladaptive behaviours” are described in the following brief note and website, among others

https://www.healthline.com/health/maladaptive-behavior

Quote: "Maladaptive behaviours are those that stop you from adapting to new or difficult circumstances. They can start after a major life change, illness, or traumatic event. It could also be a habit you picked up at an early age."

Therapy, if I only look at the positive and pleasant parts of my life would not seem to be complete. The problem is that my life is really not comprised of only bright, pleasant events. And, unfortunately, it is often the existing unpleasant side of life, both past and present, that I try to avoid. That is because it is so difficult to look at the source, and consider the effects, of the negative aspects and influences.

The counsellor, with whom I am speaking, if not able to encourage me to address those foundational issues, must find it extremely difficult and frustrating. To be speaking with me as a client, if I am not prepared to face, and deal with the memories and feelings associated with those traumatic events, a barrier must be formed to the expression and resolution of those problems. And they therefore, would remain unresolved and continue to have adverse impacts and effects on my life in the future. Paradoxically, the more traumatic those events were, the greater the likely resistance to dealing with those events and their subsequent effects, and correspondingly, the adverse effects may be likely to continue to increase.

I would be pleased to know your thoughts

With Best Wishes

HenryX

Hi @HenryX

Reading through your post makes me think of my own experience. I had an extremely traumatic childhood but have swept it all under the carpet. I have divorced those memories and it's as though they in fact have happened to someone else. I have developed many maladaptive coping strategies to deal with the dysfunction related to my childhood abuse. This impacts my life now. I am 50 years old and I too am frustrated that things that happened to me 30+ and 40+ years ago are still impacting my life today. I am supposed to be starting trauma therapy soon (imagery rescripting) but the idea is terrifying. First I don't want to relive the memories or stir more of them up. Second I don't know if I can handle the outcome of said therapy. I have SH'd in the past and don't want to go back to that but that was a way that I coped with super intense emotions. I do anything and everything to stop my poor vulnerable child from feeling any type of unpleasant emotions. Avoidant protector steps in a lot and I just kind of glaze over and turn all my emotions off. Only trouble is that that also affects some positive emotions also. I know I need to deal with my past so that I can move on but its super scary.

Meggle

@Oaktree

Hello Meggle

Thank you so much for your reply in which you describe your own tug-of-war with those feelings and emotional responses, positive and negative. I realised that my oblique reference to war seemed unfortunately appropriate.

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It is a huge temptation to avoid facing those issues, and, as you say, sweep them under the carpet, as though that really means that they disappear. When in effect they have just been repositioned.

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“Maladaptive coping strategies to deal with the dysfunction” of past trauma, I think is a big issue. Another 'attempt to hide mechanism'. And yet somehow, at uncertain times, often when we can least afford the intrusion, (a word my counsellor suggested that I look up) the effects bubble to the surface.

"

It is partly because of my age that I wrote the essay. In the hope that my experience with dealing with trauma and its downstream effects may assist others to consider their position, maybe earlier than I have done.

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I do believe that if the people around us know, even in outline, what we are addressing in dealing with those issues, they can assist when we decide to take action. However, that consideration leads to another concern about how much we need to divulge to those near and dear to us. On the other hand, a single person, living on their own, is likely, as I have done, to feel very exposed and vulnerable. That description can really apply to anyone though.

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Unfortunately, there is another aspect, that we build such protective barriers around ourselves, in “avoidant protector steps” that we can sometimes “just kind of glaze over and turn all my emotions off”. That means that we are not available to ourselves or to others from that emotionally blocked position.

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I hope you don't mind me borrowing quotes from you, Meggle, but they just seem to match the way that I am thinking.

"

And your last statement about also affecting some positive emotions is another psychological cost imposed.

"

It seems to me that the process involves weighing up the possible benefits against the “emotional cost”. Do we want to work towards being the best person we can be, for ourselves and others around us.

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I often say that we cannot expect others to love us any more than we can love ourselves. That is meant in terms of loving and lovable qualities, as distinct from prideful love.

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Dealing with the past, finding an accessible storage place for that past, as part of and following therapy is, I believe important. That process still allows us to be able to understand and empathise with others, without the personal traumatic feelings attached to our past.

"

Best Wishes

HenryX

@HenryX

Here us my question.

Do I deserve to be loved? Either by myself or others. All my life I was told I was worthless. My own Mother said she wished I was never born and not just once either.

Meggle

Hello Meggle,

You and I have some unfortunate parallels in our lives, such as the message conveyed to us in so many ways that we are worthless, or worse, that we are considered to be a liability.

Obviously the simple answer is that we are lovable and deserve to be loved. That begs the question. How do we know that to be true.

My Very Best Wishes

HenryX

@Former-Member

Because I studied a year of psychosocial theory before I met husband in 1985, it was ingrained deeply in me. I guess I have an idea of how it could be, in the best of possible worlds.

Not advocating you do any unless you are ready and find a good person, and a good approach.

There are definitely reasons not to bring up past memories casually.

@Dimity Definitely from Teresa of Avila. I discovered her in 1990s but probably only developed a functional inner protected world in last few years after separation. I was too open, with poor boundaries. In the beginning I posted about her on the forums, but nobody was interested so I felt like a dinosaur ... but still think the idea holds weight, so mention it without religious context at times. I have always been interested in the mystics and theology as well ... different ways of understanding life ..

@HenryX

@Oaktree

@Appleblossom yes spiritual insights can be illuminating but my reading has been limited and selective... perhaps you could share recommendations from time to time