Let`s talk about Bipolar

Awesome @KirSa_EnigmA , I'm glad it went well! Thanks for the update 😊

You're not alone at all in your feelings of not wanting to feel like a zombie or blunted, these are totally valid and common concerns. It can be hard to find a balance. When you're used to functioning somewhat highly, slowing things down can feel very dull and boring! Hopefully the new medication is better in this regard.

You've done so well to educate yourself and start getting on top of things. I really appreciate you sharing and more than happy to help where I can.

@MermaidHair better late than never I guess! 🤣

@Captain24 I hope you find respite and relief during your admission. And much kindness. Take care.

One of the challenges I've been facing is that whenever I talk to a professional bout my situation the focus is usually very narrow. ie, within the context of BD only.

However, after investigating my life (and writing down a whole bunch of 'experiences' I have pretty regularly), it seems pretty likely that I fit more than one category here.

Now, I've known about my AUD for over 20 years. Before this whole BD thing, everything was because of that.

Now there's a BD diagnosis, everything is because of THAT.

But, there's stuff that doesn't fit that either...

So, I've been the target of parental alienation for the past 10 or so years... court, legal, financial, emotional stress, etc. And it continues... I wake at night in tears. I have nightmares. I am distant/disconnected sometimes, and can cry or become highly irritable at, what would be for most people, inconsequential events. I'm paranoid and skeptical about people's motives, especially in relationships. I don't trust people at all.

In short, I've been burned, more than once.

So after investigating THIS set of circumstances and behaviours, I seem to fit the description for someone suffering from complex emotional trauma. I'm trapped (as are my kids) in an abusive relationship with their mother.

Pretty frequently though (and I might be imagining this) I think people judge me as the problem. I mean, a substance abuse problem and bipolar, it's obviously me, right? It would seem to be a pretty easy conclusion to reach.

But I tell you, there's more there than meets the eye and I've tried for so long to have people see that I'm not the problem here. I'm just an easy target! Every legal dispute has been ruled in my favour with the kids receiving more access time with me, dispite her attempts to block them.

But, I'm out of energy and money. I'm done and can't go on fighting this.

Anyway... I find it's all a bit too much. I'm a label or a name... to be dealth with in 15 minutes (GP) or an hour (counsellor/psych), or at $400 per letter from a solicitor. People really don't give much of a sh!t except getting paid.

(They should get paid, not saying they shouldn't. But I really just feel like they treat only what's right in front of them, not the person, me!)

I've been recording notes on the sessions myself so I can piece together the bigger picture/context that's a combination of each of these perspectives, and cross compare it to my own. Now, I get you're probably not supposed to 'self diagnose' but hey, maybe it's not a bad idea since I'M the one with the most information here, right?

In conclusion: I think I have CPTSD symptoms too.

Maybe I'm not just an addict with mood swings and a short fuse. There's actual good reasons I behave this way. 😕

made myself sad haha! /sigh

Thanks for listening.

Hello @KirSa_EnigmA I held off answering but you deserve a sympathetic hearing and response.

In my experience it's not always safe to discuss C-PTSD in the context of complex mental health. I've observed and experienced stonewalling, stigmatisation, devaluing and open hostility. Yet there seems a great deal of evidence that many mh issues are associated with or likely arise from early trauma, abuse and neglect.

Stay with your self-awareness, it's not always easy to come by as repression and dissociation can be part of the picture. Stay strong.

Thanks for taking the time to reply @Dimity. I was starting to feel like I'd killed the conversation in here!

Can I ask, why do you think it's unsafe to discuss CPTSD? Why do I feel like a pariah; isolated, judged, and abandoned when I discuss this experience?

People like to talk a big game in the MH arena, but I'm finding it very rare to find anyone who actually gives a shit, let alone has any workable solutions.

Colour me jaded... But I get the feeling lately that it's all just one big codependent jerk fest.

I apologise for my negative tone, but I honestly feel so frustrated.

~K

@KirSa_EnigmA I feel it's unsafe for the reasons you listed and more. But we exist, and deserve a hearing. Not that that means much post-referendum.

Happy to support you but maybe the topic needs its own thread.

Just forget it. This place is a waste of time.