SJT63Senior Contributor
H & S's Beautifully Written Philosophical Discussions - all welcome
Hello @HenryX
I have ported this to a new thread because I didn’t want to continue to hijack the post by @thelorax with our pseudo private conversation. I’m not a fan when people do that to me.
Your comment is a lovely, erudite, well-considered, detailed, beautifully written response.
*S’s heart sings at your critique as she does consider herself a bit of a wordsmith*
Had you been talking with me here, I would have had to excuse myself for the 15 minutes that I needed to recover my sense of balance and equilibrium.
Many people over the years have described me as “disarming”. Sorry not sorry.
For the last ten years of my Mother's life, she lived with me.
The late second partner’s mother did also, but she went into a nursing home just prior to our meeting. She was brought north for a holiday by her other son and never collected which caused a rift between the brothers lasting many years.
My mother and I got on like a house on fire after she died. While we both still drew breath it was a bit of a uphill slog. Unfortunately, I do tend to project my feelings of “never being good enough” that I had with mum onto my daughter now, but at least I’m aware of it and temper as best I can.
…… but he simply refused to do so. A tour of duty in Vietnam compounded the already existing problems.
My father was a tail gunner in the RAF in WW2. His “nerves were bad” which is the only way such things were ever described in their day. I believe with each subsequent generation we become more open and the stigmatization of mental health conditions diminishes, but we are not there yet.
I weep for the number of women through the centuries who have endured post natal depression, before it was a thing, before it was normalized, before it was recognized and treated. My ex-husband’s grandmother was in and out of the asylum several times following the births of her many Roman Catholic children and sympathies went out to husband and offspring while she languished in a catatonic state until some horrendous, medieval treatment restored her temporarily.
So many men internalizing their pain, feeling forced to “be strong” and “provide”. While I despise what we modern feminists call The Patriarchy for the way women have been treated for centuries I do believe many men are just as damaged by toxic masculinity. There is a reason why the rate of self harm is so much higher in men. It also goes back to the comments I made about emotional intimacy being so very different between men and women.
Luckily, the past is a foreign country.
he stated his version as though it were “Gospel truth”
Lawyers will tell you that there is nothing more unreliable than an eye witness. Twenty-three different witnesses will give you twenty-three different versions of a crime because all that we see is filtered through the veil of our lived experience.
I believe all truth, Gospel or otherwise, is about perception. Even basic truths of the natural world evolve and are modified the more we understand. Once upon a time every man in the street would swear on a stack of Bibles that the earth was flat. How could it not be? Have you observed anyone falling off?
Pluto is a planet, Aids only affects gay men, if man was meant to fly God would have given him wings and our health is governed by the four humours. Even E=mc^2 may soon become passe.
As you can imagine, there is a lot more to the story.
And I’m all ears.
My eldest daughter, who is also a strong, appropriately assertive person
That is a daughter thing. I like your description of her which is better than “uncompromising and unforgiving” which is how I often describe mine. She has bigger balls than any man I know. Hopped on a plane for London just after she turned 19 with one suitcase and a heart full of dreams. Within four years she had her own office at Ealing Studios as the talent coordinator for the London International Screenwriters Festival.
Recently, my daughter asked me why she had a good relationship with my father, yet I did not.
My theory is that grandchildren and grandparents get on well because they share a special bond; that of a common enemy.
Through discussion on the forums, I am becoming more aware of the issues that I face in terms of physical reactions and responses, anxiety, etc.
Reading the stories of others’ experiences is comforting, confronting, cathartic… (sorry, can’t think of another c word). I feel reassured when I read of other partners enduring what I do, I cry for mothers with sick children, I get a handle on my own situation from the point of view of the cared for (rather than carer) and sometimes I am horrified and genuinely frightened for people who’s illnesses are more extreme than my bloke’s.
I comment if I’m in the right headspace to make what I hope is a valuable observation.
I find it interesting to note that half-consciously I don't want to impose my issues on anyone else.
But Henry, that’s what the forum is for. If you are going to be mentioning something that you think others may find distressing put “trigger warning” in the subject (or first line of the post) and somewhere there’s a list of abbreviations to use…. Which warns people not to read further if a particular topic will upset them too much.
This is also why they are very strict about anonymity and delete posts that contain identifying information. It is the most free I’ve ever been to express my ideas, my problems and my failings in my entire life.
Talk to me.
Sx
As it's Friday I may not get online for a few days. I have no privacy at home.
