Monday 15 March '21 ~8.00 pm
@Luna_Darkness
Hi Luna_Darkness
Thank you for responding with your details. It is so much easier to give an appropriate and meaningful response to a post when we have details that will support a reply.
Apologies for my delay in following up on your post.
Your approximate age range helps also. Thank you.
You have said that you enjoy “more unusual interests”. I think that I can understand that. When I was in secondary school I enjoyed reading the work of some unusual writers such as Edgar Allan Poe for whom this note on his life and death was written
“Like his life's work, Edgar Allan Poe's death (on about October 3, 1849) remains shrouded in mystery” (quoted from Smithsonian Magazine).
His writing was and is, to me, very interesting. Another author's work that interests me is that of Isaac Asimov, who was a professor of biochemistry at Boston University and a prolific writer. He died on April 6, 1992. Asimov is said to have written or edited more than 500 books. The works of both Poe and Asimov, though in very different settings, looked at and delved into the psyche of people, their characters, motivations, reaction to events, etc in their respective settings.
I can also relate to having, at the present time, interests like photography, reading, (as above), and mechanical 'stuff', that have been put on hold, because of other more important and sometimes urgent attention requiring activities. (More on that down the page.). Being distracted by new situations, interests, activities that lead to the issue of
“when I do find something that interests me, I tend to not stick with it, for whatever reason, which has been a recurring trend throughout my life.”
resonates with me.
'Falling pregnant' has, needless to say, as per my forum pseudonym, not been something that has changed my life patterns. Though for the ten years to 2019, I cared for my Mum who passed away in the middle of that year. I often comment that it was a pleasure and privilege, that I cherish, to have had that opportunity, which I would not have considered possible earlier in my life, for various reasons.
You mention your pole fitness class where you say that
“I didn't really link with anyone there...... “
I find that people sometimes have some of the same attributes as some other animals like horses and dogs {That comment is not meant disparagingly – just objective comparison}. If you approach them, they sometimes, instinctively, shy away, possibly feeling threatened for any inexplicable reason. However, approaching indirectly and feigning the 'walk away' style, the reaction is one of inquisitiveness and the other then approaches the newer arrival in order to satisfy their curiosity. The new arrival can then release a little of themselves at a time, so as to satisfy some of the curiosity while still maintaining the inquisitiveness and intrigue with the more established members of the group until they lose or relinquish the concern about any perceived threat.
I find it interesting that you see yourself as not being a participator in “regular religions”. Then you refer to your
“belief system stems from Pagan beliefs”.
I would ask the question
“How does one define a 'regular religion?'”
There are many people who have distinctly different religious beliefs and philosophies who can still associate and relate to others, on a whole scale of common interests, not associated with their religious beliefs. One of the problems with some peoples' expression of their religious beliefs is that they see themselves somehow excluded, or rejected from mainstream activity and correspondence with others, because of those beliefs. Often times I see that sense of exclusion or rejection as being internally generated rather than externally imposed. Each of us, I believe, has interests, beliefs, knowledge, skills, attributes, etc that contribute to the whole. When somehow, or for any reason, those qualities are separated from the whole, the whole becomes unwholesome – less than the whole.
I am certainly not saying that one has to enter the situation with fire and frenzy. But I do believe that each of us can insert, at appropriate times, that 'something of ourselves' that adds to the group dynamic, community, etc, in which we are active participants. Obviously, in some areas, the way that the insertion of that 'something' occurs may have to be appropriately, judiciously, sensitively, selectively accomplished.
It seems to me that with the qualities you have to offer, in various situations, like many others, you(/we) also have a responsibility to apply those attributes selectively, if that's what you would like to do as part of your quest for quality friendships.
We sometimes seek what may be described as situations or groups of comfort. These are where we fit in 'perfectly'. I do believe that we sometimes have to bend ourselves and our expectations when seeking common ground with others. Someone asked the 'religious' group, in which I am an active participant, whether we should go outside our comfort zone, my reply was definitely “Yes”. Indeed, in the group to which I am referring, I am definitely an outsider, with clearly differing philosophies, beliefs, and attitudes. The other people in the group are all aware of my position. I have said that I am in the group as a guest and, while I am happy to insert my ideas, “I will not challenge any of the primary beliefs of the members of the group.” I am there for my own development and to contribute where I see that my ideas coincide with or reinforce the ideas that the group and I have in common. There are times when my contributions to the discussion about beliefs and attitudes though, come perilously close to fault on my part of 'challenging the beliefs and attitudes of the members in the group'. However, while I have been surprised that I have been welcomed back each weekly meeting over a period of eighteen months, I believe that the group sees any challenge from me as a way for the members to either question or reassert their own beliefs and attitudes. So, it appears that my participation in the group serves their purposes and mine as well. I actively support and promote the learning of the principles to which the group adheres, particularly among the children. They can neither argue in defence or support, nor question the principles without a sound knowledge of them.
I am aware, that with regard to anxiety and depression, we do need to be cautious about leaving ourselves exposed and vulnerable in situations that can lead to conflict or threat. I think that we also need to challenge ourselves in order to build resilience. It is interesting that in the group I have mentioned, I have found an unexpected level of respect and support shown toward me, despite our known differences. What I am saying there, is that we can find comfort and support coming our way from unexpected sources when we take the risk of participation. We can also build our confidence in such environments, simply because we can find ourselves happy to maintain and even strengthen our own beliefs in what might, initially, seem to be a hostile environment.
Shyness is an attribute that I also suffered in my youth. I lacked confidence among my peers. Maybe that is why I now strongly believe in extending outside the comfort zone in a measured and careful manner. Confidence, though it can be severely eroded in childhood and youth, can be re-established and improved in a similar way to the controlled exposure treatment for people suffering agoraphobia.
You and I obviously have different backgrounds, gender, life situations, but in a psychological sense, there are many similarities. Lucky I'm not a psychologist because that last statement would amount to heresy (can't think of a better word, though I know there is one). Obviously, some of those similarities can be itemized and assessed. They are, as I read your outline;
--difficulty persevering and maintaining interest in activities that we start, possibly finding things left unfinished
--difficulty relating to other people, particularly of our own age group
--having interests and beliefs that may be considered unorthodox
--experiencing anxiety and depression
--sensitive to rejection, either real or perceived
--although meeting expectations in a work setting, difficulty maintaining interest in the work and subsequently developing a list of positions held in employment history
--difficulty organizing and prioritizing work tasks
I hope that my contribution helps you in some way, and may lead to more discussion if that's what you would like. Please let me know if there are any areas about which I am not correct.
I am very happy to respond to your further comments as I am sure are other members of the forum.
Please browse the forum for additional material that may relate to your situation.
I do hope that you enjoy your pregnancy, anticipation, and the birth of your child. Some of that wish may be a little early so in the meantime, we hope to hear of your progress
With my Best Wishes
HenryX
