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Constantly feeling judged

TrappedCasual Contributor26 Aug 2016, 6:56 pm AEST

Constantly feeling judged

Does anybody feel as though they are constantly being judged. It doesn't matter where you go, people are so cruel! Mental illness is still misunderstood by a lot of people who know nothing about it. We have come some ways I know but is there ever going to be a time when people can just accept us for who we are and not what they expect us to be? I would appreciate any comments.

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In response to: Constantly feeling judged

CherryBombSenior Contributor26 Aug 2016, 10:01 pm AEST

Re: Constantly feeling judged

Hi @Trapped,

It's a terrible feeling like you're constantly being judged. @Appleblossom said something here that really resonated with me today, and I thought I'd share it here:

One sad thing is that if any of those people are laughing or talking about you ... it wont do them any real favours ... it is wasted breath ... years later they may lose the trust of those friends or be confronted by their own lives and feel guilty...

In the meantime ... it does not make it easier for you ... but try and learn to flick the thought away ...

I like this because she points out that issue here is not you, but people not understanding the pain that comes along with mental illness. Often, it's not until they go through some thing themselves that can really empathise. This is not to say that people who don't have experience with MI can't be understanding, it's more that people need to be willing to stand - or at least - imagine what it's like standing in some else's shoes.

In response to: Re: Constantly feeling judged

hope77Senior Contributor26 Aug 2016, 10:26 pm AEST

Re: Constantly feeling judged

Hey, @Trapped. I can go on only my experience but when I'm acutely ill (recurrent depression, Anxiety, and psychosis) Some people are down right mean and don't want to understand. Some are scared not knowing what to say or do because they have this prejudges that mentally ill people are unpredictable they are scared of saying the wrong thing. Some don't care. then theirs the gems in this life that would do anything for you and say the right things. then there are the bossy ones that think you don't know how to live your life. so they try to take over yours well-meaning but annoying. like I said yesterday what most people need is validation, comfort, care and time. take your time tell who you want to forget the rest if they can't accept you warts and all then it's their loss.

In response to: Re: Constantly feeling judged

AppleblossomSenior Contributor27 Aug 2016, 2:27 am AEST

Re: Constantly feeling judged

Nobody flourishes under constant judgement. @Trapped.

I often feel very exposed and open and that is very uncomfortable. Sometimes people are judging me but other times it is my fear of their rejection that is bigger. Not all situations are the same ... Do you feel better in some shopping malls than others ... I have a favourite supermarket where I feel least likely to have panis attacks ... and that is small & local.

But bottom line ... I hate shopping malls ....like I hate going to the hairdresser ... but we cant completely avoid shopping ... I only go to both ... occasionally ... (less often than most people) ... the bare minimum to run a household ..

Hairdressers arent essential ... so I go less than once a year .. just every now and then ... to prove to myself that I can cope with them ... I still cannot understand that it makes people feel better about themselves ... but thats my hang up.

You are right @Trapped issues re mental health have come a little way ... but there is still heaps to go.

In response to: Constantly feeling judged

DIZ710Senior Contributor27 Aug 2016, 2:49 am AEST

Re: Constantly feeling judged

You are well justified to feel this way because people who have never suffered any kind of mental illness can not understand what it is like.
It does not matter if they read up all about it and know what the symptoms are because this only gives them the theory of it not the emotions.

I have found that most people think that we are just weak and therefore try to commit suicide because we can not handle our "normal" human enotions.

I really really hate it when soneone tells me that someone who tries to end their life is selfish.

But in fact we are probably very strong willed and resilient and it is only when we have suffered non stop for a long time that we just want our endless pain and sadness to end do we try to take our lives.

Do I think that suicide attempts are just crys for help? No I do not because most of the people that pass judgement on us would not last a few days of our illnesses before they tried themselves.

The only ones that have a slight understanding of what we actually go through are our immediate family members and this is because they have to watch us suffer everyday. But even they do not truly understand what it is like

In response to: Constantly feeling judged

Unknown userMember27 Aug 2016, 7:48 am AEST

Re: Constantly feeling judged

@Trapped, morning..I've read this thread it's a good one. I guess it's the very bain of MI to suffer & be alone. I like @DIZ710 points out that no one but ourselves really understands how 'we' feel. No one has lived our own life experience, how every motion that shaped a thought really changed something within us for life or at least set in a strong belief. It takes a lot of self discovery work & persistence...gentle, patient persistence to uncover our own inner dimensions. I think. I like how @Apple blossom breaks down her necessities to basics. Keeps the picture for us simple. Maybe you want to feel more a part? What makes you feel not 'allowed' to do this? I have to get my kids ready this morning but I hope today you can find one small kind thing for yourself. Take care ❤💛🌼🌹

In response to: Re: Constantly feeling judged

hope77Senior Contributor27 Aug 2016, 10:40 am AEST

Re: Constantly feeling judged

hey everyone, agree with @DIZ710 a lot of people who don't understand would not last a day in our shoes. MENTAL ILLNESS CHOSE US WE DID NOT CHOOSE IT.

In response to: Re: Constantly feeling judged

HappynessSenior Contributor27 Aug 2016, 12:14 pm AEST

Re: Constantly feeling judged

I Haven't Been To 'Church' In About One And A Half Years

I'm Worried They Will Be A Risk To Me

Or Feel If I Went Something Bad Might Happen

Mutual Respect Would Be A Good Start

In response to: Re: Constantly feeling judged

pipSenior Contributor27 Aug 2016, 2:40 pm AEST

Re: Constantly feeling judged

@Happiness. I used to regularly attend church. In June this year I was diagnosed with a malignant breast tumor. I decided to step away from church to give myself a chance to think about what church meant, whether Christ existed etc. I mentioned to a couple of people (one an elder) about the cancerous tumor. I was more or less advised (by this ignorant elder) to immediately undergo a mastectomy, then get a tattoo along the scar line. Since I made the decision to back away from the church, I've been happier, more content. You're right in that respect for fellow human's seems to be forgotten. I found they were 'clicky', after service, they would bunch together, I had absolutely no company even though I had joined. There was no respect, no feeling of 'come and be part of us'. I actually felt more alone and lonely going to church. I get more camaraderie from my work colleagues. I've since had the tumor removed and am in the final week of radiation. If you believe and find peace in church, that's good for the individual, but the old saying stands, 'if in doubt, don't'. You have to be happy where you are in life, if this means outside the church, regardless of your upbringing, follow where you are happy. Be your own guide.

In response to: Constantly feeling judged

KD2016Contributor28 Aug 2016, 9:07 pm AEST

Re: Constantly feeling judged

My wife & I took my parents in law out for dinner to celebrate the occasion of their 48th wedding anniversary this week. When leaving the Italian restaurant, all my mother in law could do was comment on the big, bulky size of my truck! For the record, I do not have a big, bulky truck; rather, I drive a car. The point is: rather than receiving appreciation for my initiative and generosity, I was been made to feel uncomfortable, inadequate & lacking somewhat, as my work vehicle is of a type which my mother in law does not approve.

Being belittled regularly by my in-laws due to my lack of an education saddens me. Whatever I achieve is never good enough. And if I were to disclose to them that I have suffered from a mental illness for nearly thirty years, I would be regarded as lacking even more.

Being constantly judged by my in-laws is so discouraging. I am sickened by the superiority of those who have an education yet fail to display decency and respect for others who have not had the opportunity or intellect to pursue an education. This is a cruel world. A world of injustice and inequity.

You are not alone, brother! Just keep your dignity and keep on walking straight ahead, despite the unfair judgements of others.

In response to: Re: Constantly feeling judged

pipSenior Contributor28 Aug 2016, 9:22 pm AEST

Re: Constantly feeling judged

@KD2016. I had exactly the same with my ex in-laws. Ex now, since I made the right choice for me - walk away from the whole family. My hubby would stand back and give his parents free reign to say exactly what they liked, when they liked. My ex FIL is the original chauvinist, ex MIL totally narcissist. No matter what I said, did, questioned constantly. Having to justify everything. I was married to their 'baby' for 25 years last year. Made the break at the end of last year. HUGE weight lifted the day I left. I'm not saying YOU should leave, far from it, KD, only you know what you need to do. Tell your wife, you've had enough, either they treat you with respect, or she sees them alone. Keep your distance, keep your sanity, they are not worth anything. People like that are not your equal.

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