Unknown userMember
Will the REAL Florence please stand up? [LONG].
I am just going to talk to you guys, so forgive me if this isn't very well organised. As I did with the Valentine's thread, if you read the bold parts, you'll get a nice summary of the content.
I have been planning to write this thread for a couple of months now, but I was pushed over the edge by a thread asking people how they got their usernames. My username is a tribute to Florence Welch, one of my absolute favourite artists and general human beings.
I have been known for a while on other sites by a similar name. Unfortunately, there's a character limit on SANE, so I had to change it!
In that comment, I also pre-empted this thread. In fact, I am just going to tag some people who supported my comment, implying that they wanted to read it.
@chibam
@Appleblossom
@Daisydreamer
@BabyDragon
@Bow
Having a separate online identity has been lovely. I enjoy being a part of communities, and interacting with creators. People apparently like hearing what I have to say, which is deeply flattering. For example, I commented on Carson Wentz being traded to the Indianapolis Colts, and I didn't say anything funny or hugely surprising, but 143 people liked my take on it!
One interesting side-effect, though, is that people think my name is Florence.
This is especially weird because I follow a lot of pages on sport. I don't know if people find it unusual to see a woman in the comments section, making involved observations in the language and the detail that I do.
In fact, I am a guy. I am really sorry if anyone assumed I was a girl from my contributions here. I hope you don't feel lied to.
I actually don't mind the confusion so much. I was bullied for nine years, since kindy, and the people that were there for me most were female teachers and classmates. I can rattle off a list of like ten names.
I feel like I can probably relate to girls on an emotional level, more than I can guys. In other ways, not so much, but yeah.
This is a bit upsetting in real life. I feel and sometimes act like a Florence, but I don't look that way EVEN REMOTELY. Sometimes I'm self-conscious about it.
The idea of opening up to guys is kind of terrifying. Like, to the point where I am considering calling a crisis line, but I don't want to, because you can't choose who's on the other side. Probably because I'm not used to it.
I had a friend a couple of years ago, and she was lovely, but she was always kind of paranoid about the possibility that I could be attracted to her. A couple of people I talked to about it said "have you thought of making a male friend?"
To begin with, I find the implication of that to be offensive. Besides, I don't know... for some reason, that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel a bit trapped by my body.
I remember I was walking down the street, and I was behind a woman who had just come out of the shopping centre. I was like forty metres away, but when she noticed I was there, she started walking faster, almost running away from me. She kept looking back to see whether I was gone.
Some women are genuinely scared of guys, and that makes me sad. No matter how I am inside, I can't change how I look. It makes me feel like I should just hide, for everyone's safety.
Especially because I want to be loved for once. I want to make someone smile when they see me, rather than run. It seems impossible, though, after so long being abandoned and alone. I seem loveable to you... you've read my words, but you haven't seen the way I look.
Thank you so much for reading. I really don't know how this thread is going to be received but... please be gentle? To be more ambitious, I hope you enjoyed it x.
Signed... Florence.
I'm glad you posted it!
