Who experiences dissociation?

Hey @destructive, thank you for sharing It sounds like these are really powerful and strong words that you wanted to share with your therapist, but also a reflection of how you are feeling about yourself.

It takes an enormous amount of courage and resilience to be so open about ourselves, but often how we see ourselves and how others may see us can be very different. Maybe you can try asking some friends or tagging some other forum members and asking how they would see or describe you?

Sometimes when our view of ourselves is gently challenged by others, we start to see beyond the negative ways we see ourselves, and start to hear about the good we have to share with others.

Take care 🌻

Thanks @Former-Member @I'm not sure I have peopl o here who know me well and in real life people don't know about my struggles.
part of me wants to email the therapist, not that exactly, too needy sounding, but something. I just feel like I email too much already

@Justyes I'm open to share a bit, I'm diagnosed with CPTSD. I will see my Dr in a different way when asked about confronting things for me. E.g I look around and think she is my teacher from primary school. I remember chatting with her about stuff excited as a 7 year old. I know I've had times of missed memory when worried. Can I get some help.here. I struggle with what I have described above as "dissociation" textbook term reads as lack of continuity between thoughts, memory, surrounding, actions and identity. But it doesn't feel like that to me, just feels like I'm taking myself back to childhood. So if someone can explain the difference between what I feel and textbook term I would really appreciate. Thankyou @ just@tyme @Shaz51

@destructive Hi, Ok. ..,I got diagnosed with DID. I use to do things like hand in a lost hand bad I found. Only to later realise it was mine. So I mostly stay home now. Keep jobs like buying clothes to a simple jeans, tshirt and got 2 new jumpers. Got home and jumpers are not what I usually wear. Both have metal sippers near my neck. I get a rash from metal. O well. At least jeans fit. Lol

@Just how do you feel getting the diagnosis?

Sorry I missed your last one.

I also struggle feeling like my experience feels different so maybe that's not so different 😔

Hi, how do I feel about diagnosis. At first a relief. In that I didn't have to keep searching for answers. Strange really I spent years with a head doctor but never got anywhere. She wanted me to keep breathing exercises and had no answers other than CPTSD. Which of course in itself is huge! But I felt it didn't cover everything or at least to me not the biggest concerns. Now I get very scared. Very scared. So ( it's the devil you know or the devil you don't) scenario I guess. So much isn't know about DID so in a way I just feel I'm still just treading water. Still trying to understand and feel I'm "failing" in the understanding. When so much in my memory is missing and feelings just get blocked or come out but I don't know where they come from. I can be fine and chatting to therapist. Then feel someone else's emotions so strong I break down and cry. Only for a short while. Silly thing is I have no idea why I'm crying. Felt like someone inside close and giving me there sadness. But communication is poor between us as a system. I do really want to speak clearly with other parts just don't know how. Do you have any suggestions? Is anyone else out in this sane site reading this and understands. Has had difficulties communicating. I feel so helpless. When I want to help. But have to be honest, also very scared so I know I pull back. I use to call myself a big chicken. I guess that sums it up. Hope this makes sense. I sometimes think just block it out. Go quiet, stay inside my house. My real house. Don't stir things up. But then again maybe before I die, or loose my mind completely. I would like to help ALL of US. In this body. I have hope 😃

@Just I definitely get the sacredness. To be honest I've been in mental health treatment 18 years and was only dx with DID a few years ago and still flip flop with my acceptance of that so I am just bringing to do some proper work on it. I didn't realise but my psychologist said I've been seeing her nearly 7 years and only probably have enough trust to start that but it's hard. I find I can communicate best when I'm driving but I think mainly that's because it's a rare time I'm alone. I do struggle with know if some things are memories because they seem so awful and I don't want to say them in case they are not real.

I have been starting to work through a book with my therapist which has been helpful some I think. Some of it just getse thinking and some dots connect. Like recently I realised that sometimes I think I run away from therapy (I leave and don't realise until I'm somewhere else) when the little part of me comes out and feels pushed back in the cupboard, like because she thinks/feels like she still is and another part comes out to stop the danger and leaves. And there's an activity in the book about having an imaginary safe place internally and I don't know how yet but it made me think I need someway of that part being there not in the cupboard.

The book is coping with trauma related dissociation

Thanks for chatting. It's so nice just to hear from someone. Especially someone who gets it. I also have a cupboard but I put up a wall and get stuck. When I was reading about your experience and the " word, cupboard". So struggling now to stay here. Will be back

@destructive yes a safe place is good. I get scared a lot. I guess of the unknown. Safe for me is never safe. So that's something I have to work on too. I will see if I can get the book you suggested. Thanks.

@Just yes, I know what you mean. The book talks about that too, it says safer or something like that... Can't remember 🤦