Starting therapy - need a sounding board and feedback

I have finally got around to the point of seeking out therapy yet again. I have had to deal with all my feelings and thoughts about therapy yet again. I am so tired of it. Feel like I have been on this hamster wheel all my life. Moving on.

I am choosing between two therapists. Everything about this feels so tricky at the moment and it is hard to go through this process alone. I have an appointment with one of the therapists next week Friday and the other therapist cannot see me till the 11th March. The one I am seeing on Friday will only ever be done via video because she lives four hours from me and the other one will be face to face because she lives in my town. (Hard to find good therapists here because it is a regional town)

Therapist number one that I am seeing this Friday seems ok. There are a few things on my mind about her and moving forward though. I am being honest with myself so that I make the right decision for me, except it is not as easy as it sounds. This therapist is also an artist, specifically a singer and has won awards for her music. So, she is a psychotherapist and a gifted singer. She is not with a label or anything, although she has won emmy awards. She has a website and she can be booked so that tells me she is not with a label.

Now, me also being an artist of a different kind, I am a writer and have had music in my life since I was very young. I have also worked in the music industry and music is still such a huge part of my life. For those that do not know, other artists always want to speak with other artists. It is just how it is. Artists usually show interests in other artists work, that is just how it is. So, yes I found out she was a singer. I have listened to some of her music and it is amazing. She has a very beautiful voice and has written most of the lyrics for all songs except the covers. Me being a writer, having the experience I have with music and being quite a deep person is like wow for me with this.

This is what is concerning me personally though. I actually have been upfront with her about this concern even though I have had no session with her yet.I am aware that with this in life, there are boundaries between client and therapist. I am not sure I willl be able to adhere with those boundaries. As of yet, I am not her client. She has a facebook page for her psychotherapist business and she also has a facebook page as a sol artist. I have looked at both. I have also said quite a few things on posts she has written on both pages. When I was posting to things she had said in her posts, I was thinking to myself, should I really be doing this? Am I already saying too much or bombarding her pages too much? I am about to become her client, is this really a good start? These were all the questions running through my mind. It soehow did not stop me though because things she had written were talking points for me.

I have also pm'd her personally and given her compliments on her work and her talent. I have shared a tiny bit of myself too. She has responded to what I have said. Yet, I am still feeling like I am doing something wrong and that I should not get attached in nay way, because she is about to become my therapist. I have said to her very clearly that if I feel she is not the right fit for me, I will have to go and see this other therapist in March and terminate our therapy. I just do not want to be with the wrong therapist for me. I am extremely fragile, raw and vulnerable still. I am scared to take this step really and trust anyone.

Another factor that has been on my mind is that well before I even contacted her about having a session with her and I was deciding whether I wanted to or not, I had a dream about her. It was a dream where she fancied me. Like, um in an intimate way. I do not understand why I had that dream.

So, I really am thinking about this a lot but I have no one to speak to about it all. In the real world, if I was not about to be her client, I would pursue a friendship with her. Friendship only. Clients, cannot be friends with their therapists. This I know. I am actually wondering if I should pull the plug on therapy with her, be really honest about why and just wait to start with this other therapist in March. I feel it will be too hard to keep going otherwise and I really do not need nor want confusing, painful nor tricky things to deal with.

I just really need a sounding board, someone to hear my thoughts out and provide some feedback because it is really actually starting to do my head in a lot.