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I have had a REVELATION.... maybe.

Unknown userMember25 Jan 2021, 3:48 pm AEDT

I have had a REVELATION.... maybe.

I have been having somewhat of a breakdown lately.

As I have mentioned before, I work with my ex. Lately, I have been having some stupidly awkward moments with her, and it's making me feel bad about myself. I think I am starting to pick up feelings for her again. Unfortunately, it looks like she's dating someone else at work too. I haven't confirmed it, but seeing them together makes my heart ache.

I have a five-day break now. I asked for a day off, and my manager easily agreed, saying that she'll just put it on annual leave. That was really nice of her. She said that if there's anything else she can do for me, I should let her know.

To be honest, there is. I am thinking of asking to get traded to a different store.. then I am going to start looking for daytime jobs and quit my current job altogether. Usually I work overnight, and my thoughts just explode, partially because of the hours, and partially because you're alone for most of the night.

My ex works in a section right near me, and overhearing her voice is SO [...] hard. She's really talkative, which is awesome, and she has the most beautiful voice. Sometimes she's really nice to me, and sometimes it's obvious that she's pretending. She's just a reminder to me, and it has gotten to the point where it's just not safe for me to be there anymore.

I honestly don't know, but maybe getting into a position where I never have to see her again if I don't want to will make my feelings much less intense.

Love still means a lot to me. The pain is still VERY sharp and very real. My life is still [...] up. I honestly don't have a whole lot of belief... but having her out of the picture may mean that it's easier for me to think of ways to change my situation. It may change my perspective too.

Why I didn't figure this out two years ago is kind of beyond me.

What do you think? Have you tried to keep your ex in your life? How did it work out for you?

Do you think that distance helps, even when the regret is not just about them, it's about you?

I don't know how I am going to survive going to work in the meantime, so do you have any advice about that?

Sorry, this post is not as eloquently written as some of my other posts, but I guess that matches the mood.

3 replies

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In response to: I have had a REVELATION.... maybe.

Mk86Casual Contributor28 Jan 2021, 2:20 am AEDT

Re: I have had a REVELATION.... maybe.

Yeh moving on can be hard. I can relate. I guess when you're distancing yourself what you're saying is you're ready to let go.

matters of the heart are never easy. But healing yourself is important.

In response to: Re: I have had a REVELATION.... maybe.

MazaritaSenior Contributor30 Jan 2021, 8:57 pm AEDT

Re: I have had a REVELATION.... maybe.

Hi @Former-Member,

Breaking up is hard to do. Seeing and hearing your ex at work will be making it so much more difficult. There's a reason most people make clean breaks with their exes, though on occasions maintaining contact can be done, but maybe there needs to be a long break before you are ready for that.

With regrets (I have more than a few!), they really have no bearing after we have broken up with someone. Wanting to talk them through or resolve them tends to be that we are just not accepting that we have actually broken up and the story of the two of you is really over.

There are only two relationships in my life (I have had several) where we can still be friends of any kind. In both cases, this is mostly at a distance (one is interstate, the other overseas now), with long breaks without contact in between. Even then and after decades, I find the old feelings can sometimes emerge in different ways.

I hope you are able to clear your head of some of this, giving you space to go on with your life. As to going in to work until you are transferred or leave, all I can say is its better to have to do this temporarily than continuing in the job as you are now, and lengthening your period of torture. Maybe you can count down the days on a calendar or something, giving you something to look forward to in the clarity you find at the end.

However you decide to deal with this, I wish you well.

In response to: I have had a REVELATION.... maybe.

CountessONew Contributor01 Feb 2021, 6:42 am AEDT

Re: I have had a REVELATION.... maybe.

Yes. Distance helps. A LOT.

It hurts. Feels like it will forever. But it fades. And you meet someone new.

After my last break up, I focused on myself. Figured out hobbies I could do on my own. Kept putting myself out there to meet new people. Prioritised making friends over finding a romantic partner. Decided what I wanted from life.

I ended up meeting someone and we got married last year.

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