Feeling overwhelmed

Hi @SherryLee ,

no wonder you feel overwhelmed. Dealing with your own mental and physical health at the moment would be enough.

can I ask is the bride related in any way? You need to have a gentle talk with her. Are you able to do that? She needs some boundaries about contact. No doubt it will be difficult. Can you make suggestions about who else to call? Maybe the maid of honour or some other member of the bridal party.

i feel for you I would find that draining and my anxiety would go through the roof.

i am sure some others will be helpful

peri

@Peri thankyou for your response and advice. The bride is related to me but distantly if that makes sense. I am unfortunately not able to have a chat with her - tried that and I think I would have come out better if I'd had a chat with a hungry grizzly bear. She behaves like a 3 year old spoiled brat with crying, door slamming or plain just storming out and driving away to who knows where. She has her bridesmaids wrapped around her little finger so talking to them would literally go down like a lead balloon. I'm so over the dramatics. In the past I have helped a few people plan their wedding but this one is hell..I've never known anyone to behave so badly when something doesn't happen in HER time frame. She honestly behaves as though she believes the world revolves around her and her only and that she's the only person who is getting married this year.

My anxiety is through the roof as is my pain due to a painful illness. I just somehow need to survive the next few months until the wedding is over and hope upon hope she leaves me alone. Yes I pity her having no mum or dad, she just has one sibling but she doesn't talk to her. She has barely no friends which I am able to see is mostly her doing because I surely wouldn't want to be buddies with someone who behaved like she does. I even spoke with my gp about her and he said it sounds like she needs professional help and then went on to say to please not send her to see him..

Hi @SherryLee welcome to the forum.

That sounds like a really tough situation.

You seem like a very caring, giving person, and the bride sounds very self centred and take, take take.

I have struggled with setting boundaries and fear of retribution (largely in the form of emotional explosions and/or being cut off), but a couple of situations almost sent me over the edge and I have gradually learned to care for myself better when the personal cost is getting out of control.

Please try and prioritise your own health.

Without knowing the complexities of the situation, a couple of things that may help include saying that you're not well and can do thing A, but not thing B. If she has a long list of demands, maybe you could ask her to prioritise and let her know that you can focus on one task. It's really hard to manage expectations with such a demanding person.

Thinking of you.

@frog thankyou. Yes I have started saying no to some things because if I didn't I would literally be burned out by now. Example - bride requested I go into the city with her to find a gown, then a week later requested I go back into the city to look at bridesmaid gowns. She then expected a third trip - to look at shoes! Really?? I felt like she was doing deliberately to just find things for me to do. I live 1.5hrs from the city so it's not an easy task going in just once let alone 3 times. I did the first trip then told her I couldn't do the other 2. I can't choose her bridesmaid gowns for her/them and I sure can't choose shoes for her. She wasn't impressed and even went on to badmouth me to the grooms mother who then questioned why I was being so difficult. This upcoming wedding for someone who is a distant relative is going to be the death of me if bridezilla doesn't pull her head in.

I really think you've nailed it when you called this bride to be a bridezilla! She sounds very demanding and your health just doesn't need someone like her continually. I feel your pain as my mental health diagnoses are the same as yours, and my physical health is poor too.
I couldn't handle her. Can you suggest she just ring in the morning or at a given time of day? I have successfully done that with a few people. I tell them I need a rest after lunch and my evenings are given to my immediate family. That means at least she is limited somewhat, plus you have a break from her.
My special thoughts are with you. Good luck!

@Moonshine thankyou for your response. I actually turn my phone off until I absolutely have to turn it on because unfortunately bridezilla isn't the only person who phones me. She generally contacts me through Facebook messenger so I tried leaving that turned off but that backfired on me when I didn't read or reply to her messages or answer her calls so she text messaged me accusing me of ignoring her and then she turns on the waterworks. My day today was basically spent sleeping due to emotional exhaustion and a headache from hell. I sent her a quick message this morning to say I would be unavailable today. She never replied but I daresay she took it personally. But I don't care if she's upset or not right now. She has pushed me beyond my boundaries and if she expects me to be at her wedding she needs to respect the fact I'm not as young as her and I'm also not as healthy as her.

Take care of yourself - these invisible illnesses are a nightmare.

Dear @SherryLee ,

i think you are doing amazingly well at managing this. You have put strategies in place. Try not to worry about what other people say. They probably know what she is like and are just not willing to tell her themselves.

tell her straight you are too unwell to drive into the city and are limited in what you can help with and she needs to find someone else to help her, isn’t that what bridesmaids are for?

all strength to you Sherrylee

peri

@SherryLee

I really have a very different life to you. However, my suggestion is to make sure you spend plenty of time doing things that are actually fun and interesting to you. Ultimately, I think her problems are her problems to solve, but even very small help you can give will make her and you feel better, at least in the long term. I suggest making a plan of how much time you spend helping her and how much time you spend for yourself. For example, most people work 9-5 on activities that don't bring them much actual pleasure, then spend the remaining time each week on pleasurable activities. If after a little while, you feel the balance isn't right, you could adjust it.