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Life Update... and a note on "the moral of the story."

Unknown userMember15 Jan 2021, 5:59 pm AEDT

Life Update... and a note on "the moral of the story."

I realised I haven't posted in a long time, so I figured I'll pop my head in and just chat with you guys. I remember when I was on a Facebook support group, I put up a photo of myself. My profile photo was the cover of Dying in the First Person by Nike Sulway (STRONGLY recommended.) Someone said "it's nice to put a face to the name." I said "I'm flattered that you remember the name", and she said "of course I would!"

I hope you guys enjoy hearing from me.

To sum up how I have been doing lately, I have been coughing so hard that my abdominal muscles hurt every time I do. I had a test, and it came back negative, but still, GAH, THE PAIN!!!!!!!!!!! Not to be dramatic or anything.

I was REALLY, really low in the morning. I am honestly surprised how quickly your moods can change, one way or another.

Do you ever feel the pressure to live a poetic success story?

I am at the end of my rope.. I don't miss her, but I thought it would be quick to find someone to replace her. If I knew that losing her would take away two years of my life, I never would have walked away, even if she didn't care about me in return...

Someone I know said I should join an online dating site. Like yeah, technically, that could be really helpful (it could also be a waste of time and money), but that is really anticlimactic. I want a nice "how did you meet your wife?"

A lot of people say that you should improve yourself, if you want to attract someone. At the same time, if I look drastically different to what I do now, and I found someone I love, do they really love me or do they love the new and improved me?

I remember seeing a video on self-image, and the creator was like "I don't know what to say, because I don't want the moral of the story to be 'if you don't like something about yourself, just change it', because that's not exactly inspirational!"

It feels like no-one will love me the way I am now.. I don't want to change my life, because it feels like I'm proving that.

Have you thought about that idea before, and how do you get around that?

5 replies

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In response to: Life Update... and a note on "the moral of the story."

outlanderSenior Contributor15 Jan 2021, 6:18 pm AEDT

Re: Life Update... and a note on "the moral of the story."

hi @Former-Member
im sorry about the coughing, it might be worth getting a check up. something like that sort of coughing could even be a chest infection and sometimes can affect the ribs as well so without the coughing stopping its hard to the muscles to heal too.

i dont know your story as i havent seen many of your posts myself but i dont think you should have to change everything about you in order for someone to like you. those who love you should also accept you for who you are. we can all improve ourselves on way or another but if your happy within yourself then you dont have to change.
i also dont think its a bad thing if someone says they met online. i know a few people that have met through an online dating service including my own mother, she still has her current partner of now 4 years.

In response to: Life Update... and a note on "the moral of the story."

Unknown userMember15 Jan 2021, 6:37 pm AEDT

Re: Life Update... and a note on "the moral of the story."

Hey @Former-Member , I'm sorry to hear about your coughing and your pain. I hope you get better soon.

You're loveable, I know how you feel though. I'll be your friend if you're interested.

In response to: Re: Life Update... and a note on "the moral of the story."

PowderfingerSenior Contributor15 Jan 2021, 11:07 pm AEDT

Re: Life Update... and a note on "the moral of the story."

@Former-Member

I wish I could say more, I just can't right now. I will say what little I can. Someone I loved so very very very deeply, even beyond words can do any justice walked away so effortlessly from me, from our relationship recently. I feel like I meant nothing and she was my everything. It is not just a hard kick in the guts, a stake driven deep into the heart, it is beyond that. Pain that seems indescribable. Renders you numb and in a frozen/dazed state. A soul screaming silently for everything they had, that is no longer. I do not know if the loss is more painful than the fact that they quit so easily.

I cannot even begin to describe what I feel most days. I do not call it a break-up. It just seems so juvenile for me to even say that. I am confused, I know that. I have more bad days than good, more bad moments than good.

She got approved for a place she put in for an application today. I only found out three hours ago. I don't know how I feel. Maybe I feel too much and I cant speak about how I feel. Im not really afforded that opportunity. I cant say I understand because I do not think anyone ever truly understands.

I thought that perhaps by sharing with you, we may find some common ground.

I hope you feel better soon.

In response to: Re: Life Update... and a note on "the moral of the story."

Unknown userMember16 Jan 2021, 11:11 am AEDT

Re: Life Update... and a note on "the moral of the story."

Hello @Former-Member

I think there are often more than one moral to many stories. It can be a minefield.

Know what you mean about online dating. I tried it about 10 years ago for 6 months, never went back to it.

Know what you mean about intense coughing. It does not happen too often for me, but can be very bad. I figure mine is due to smoking in another life. I gave up about 30 years agio ...

The forum is evolving as people find the best ways to make it work for them.

Good to see you. Your name is memorable, but I dont know too much of your story.

Take care

In response to: Life Update... and a note on "the moral of the story."

SaharaSenior Contributor18 Jan 2021, 8:06 am AEDT

Re: Life Update... and a note on "the moral of the story."

Hi @Former-Member ,

I didn't meet you before (well, I don't think I did) but I used to post here on the forums a few years ago. I just came back to see what everyone is up to.

I wanted to tell you that I met my husband on an internet dating site and I had the same scruples as you - I did not think that it was a 'romantic' way to meet a life partner and maybe it was a bit tacky or something? But in reality, our story was still a very romantic one and I really did meet my soul mate.

As for changing the way you look. It is neither here nor there. A very personal choice, I reckon. As the saying goes - "we are born naked and all the rest is drag". Meaning that for me, anyway, whatever you put on your body is a choice and it tells something about your personality and interests. So even a pair of old baggy shorts are saying something about you. If you go in for hair-styling, makeup and jewery, then I suppose it is saying somehing different - but you can't really judge a book by it's cover - or am I contradicting myself?

Good luck if you decide to go ahead with the dating thing. It's quite an adventure. xx

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