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This is my first post on here. I'm not exactly sure how I came across SANE but I'm hoping someone can give me some hope and guidance.
I have been suffering from Anxiety for over two years however it has become worse over this past year. I am currently on anxiety medication and have been for almost four months. I find that my panic attacks haven't been as frequent as they used to be but if I do go into a panic, they are much more intense. The only way I can explain it is as if my head is exploding and I can't breathe or stop crying for a good hour or so and then I'm weary the next day. This happened to me last night and is a big blurr.
I'm just feeling really alone and I feel like nobody cares- the only people who know about my anxiety is my doctor, my counsellor and my bestfriend. Although I know my bestfriend is always there for me, I can't stop thinking that he thinks I'm crazy so now I feel like I can't talk about it. Am I crazy? My thoughts are all over the place and I am finding it hard to concentrate on anything else. My counsellor keeps telling me "this too shall pass" but I've been so up and down lately I don't even know how I will pull myself back out.
@Bec3. I'm glad you found our forum here. Anxiety & Panic attacks. I know them well. Glad to hear you have a dr & a therapist to help you. Has your therapist taught you any breathing, relaxation or mindfulness exercises? It took me a month of practicing my breathing exercises twice daily before I could use it against a panic attack. I'm wondering what triggered the onset of your anxiety 2 years ago. Have you had an assessment with a psychiatrist? It may be helpful re full diagnosis and medication reviews.
In response to: Re: Struggle Town
Bec3Casual Contributor
Re: Struggle Town
Hi @utopia
It took me a while but my counsellor and I figured out that my anxiety is related to PTSD from growing up with an abusive brother. In a weird way this actually made me feel a little bit better because when it first started I had no idea what was going on. Then it returned unexpectedly.
I have a mental health plan I got when things were really bad at the start of this year in order for me to get in to see someone... I'm just nervous to see a psych.
In response to: Re: Struggle Town
pipSenior Contributor
Re: Struggle Town
@Bec3. I had similar problems growing up with an abusive brother. Do you still have contact with him? If you do, the panic attacks will ease as you take back control that he stole. The PTSD is possibly due to the fact that you had control of 'you' stolen when he abused you. As you start to regain control and you realize you have the right to decide how much (if any) contact you have, the panic caused by the PTSD should start to lessen. The only time I have problems is if I stay with someone and have to shut my door where I'm sleeping. I also keep a small nightlight going, so if I wake during the night, I know I'm safe at home and he doesn't have access. If you need the door open, and you are with people who don't understand, tell them you are slightly claustrophobic. Trying to tell people your brother abused you is a personal thing too and if you tell someone, you need to be sure they are trustworthy of this personal knowledge. I'm lucky in that I do have friends who understand, my now bf totally understands, my ex never. He used to say that each time I left my door open it meant my brother had 'won' This is utter rubbish, there are no such things as 'winners' and 'losers' There are victims and abusers. Abusers seldom 'win' as they eventually lose their friends and rellies. Victims gain once they take back control. I do have control, I just accept the PTSD for what it is, a set-back, caused by problems I had no control over. Your psych may be able to give you some pointers in regards to the PTSD, good luck with that.
In response to: Re: Struggle Town
Unknown userMember
Re: Struggle Town
Hi @Bec3
Welcome to the forums. Not sure if my brain is really working tonight but have read your post and hearing how hard the panic attacks must be. I had a nasty one for me th eother day that made me feel really terrible.
I've also had times when it felt like things were finally getting bettrer only for it to somehow suddently go backwards.. or be feeling like im having a great day and having one come out of the blue. Sigh!
I think pip has shared alot that hopefully lets you know you're not alone. I have ptsd too and while i do know a lot of my main 'triggers' they can't always be avoided and i still seem to be too hypervigilant for any signs of those triggers but then other things can just trigger me without any warning as well. So the hypervigilance is probably a waste of time! (if only it were as simple as turning it off).
Hope that you find support and a a feeling of belonging here on the forums,
take care,
lj
In response to: Struggle Town
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: Struggle Town
@Bec3. Glad your therapist has linked thiz to PTSD. I found it helpful to have a diagnosis and why I have my MI. It means I can stop the self bblame that I used to do. After more than 2 years I finally got a psychiatrist. He picked me from my referral to hospital. He has been great explaining in layman's terms what happened to my brain and why I have periods of sliding back into depression after a period of being good. He is also a cheerleader for my triumphs. But I have to admit I got lucky getting him. He is unique among the conservative psychiatrists you normally see. A psychiatrist can confirm your diagnosis, if you feel the need. Or when you are ready. That's up to you to decide. You know what's best for you. It does sound like you have a great counselor who you work well with. That's a blessing in itself.
In response to: Re: Struggle Town
Bec3Casual Contributor
Re: Struggle Town
Hi @pip
Thank you so much for sharing with me.
It was mental and emotional abuse for me- I've come past it as much as I can now but I know this was what started my anxiety years back. I still have contact with him however it is very limited (my choice) and if I talk to him it's very impersonal (I say hello and that is pretty much it). My family have tried to convince me over and over again that he is a changed man, but I can see through the mask.
One of the biggest challenges for me is that I have trouble "sitting" with my anxiety and PTSD- I fight it as much as I can and then it explodes.
It's refreshing to know that I am not alone in all of this.
In response to: Re: Struggle Town
Bec3Casual Contributor
Re: Struggle Town
Hi @Former-Member
For me the panics come in waves- I will be perfectly fine one second, and gasping for air the next. I know that a lot of the reason they're so big is because I am yet to be comfortable with it, as in I fight it off whenever I feel something come up and then it explodes.
I recognise some triggers, especially when my brother is in the room, other times I have no idea what has brought in on.
In response to: Re: Struggle Town
Unknown userMember
Re: Struggle Town
You're in good company here, @Bec3. Emotional abuse might not leave visible scars but the physical symptoms we experience are as painful as any kick to the guts. When I've been in states like you describe, two things have helped. One is calling Lifeline and just having someone at the other end of the line to feel connected to. And the other is to walk. And walk. And walk. And sometimes to talk to Lifeline while I'm walking. It was just an intuitive thing to do, but I later recognised that it was burning off all the excess adrenalin and tiring me out so I could settle.
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