Help with family member who has Schizoid personality disorder

Hearing your worry @sims. I'm going to tag a few other members who may have more insights to share @Schitzo @SJT63 @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51

@sims

I care for a partner with some complex co-existing mental health issues as well as some physical ones that prevent him working. It can be a nightmare at times and this year has been the absolute worst, I am almost (but not quite) completely broken by it.

You are absolutely correct that your mum can't go on dealing with this and at the very least needs some respite. However, the biggest problem is that your brother thinks he's fine. Mine is very good with meds, he knows he's not well, but that doesn't stop the episodes when his faulty brain chemistry takes over.

Perhaps you and mum could go and see her GP together and outline what she is living with every day. Local doctors have the best resources for local help I find.

Other than that, you and mum need a plan in place for what to do when he's acting out; she must NEVER feel like she's in danger. I have an emergency bag (toiletries and a change of clothes) in my car permanently in case I have spend a night away from it (or get locked out of my own bedroom).

The problem with calling 000 when they're in full flight is that they seem to be able to miraculously pull themselves together and appear in control while the police and ambos are there. It is VERY frustrating.

Your brother needs professional help and it may have to be done involuntarily. Mr S's mum and I looked into that about 2 years ago and put things in place with the local mental health service so that she (not I) could make a call if necessary but it didn't come to that.

Start with mum's GP I still reckon and see what advice they can give you.

Good luck x

Hi @sims

I really feel for what your family, especially your Mum, is going through. My soon2bx appears to have a (different) personality disorder, and absolutely no insight ...... and I understand that is often the case with pd's.

I agree with @SJT63, who has more experience than me with the sort of scenario you are describing, and would suggest your Mum's GP as the starting point. I actually called the CATT team in a quiet night (for them) and had a chat with the triage nurse, who gave me the beat advice for my situation that I had heard up until then, so definitely get in touch with mental health support resources.

Your Mum is likely to also have access to counselling support through her GP under a mental health plan. For carers it's a matter of preserving their own mental health under the strain, so you don't end up with two patients and no carer.

Hi there.

Thanks so much for your message and advice. It helps to read about other people who are dealing with people with similar mental health issues, as people who don't deal with it can't understand fully what it's like living with someone like this in a day to day basis. It's very toxic to say the least.

I totally agree about how they can miraculously pull themselves together when they know they need to. My brother definately knows how to act in front of certain people.

It's such a tough situation and it's very hard to know what to do.

I will get my mum to talk to the gp like you said and go from there.

As I said, hardest part is getting him to agree to getting help and finding other accomodation to stand on his own feet. He's not going to like the request for him to cooperate and try and sort himself out. He absolutely hates confrontation and you can see the anger in him when you approach him with something like this.

That's why my mum can't be the one to talk to him on her own about it all. I don't know how he will react so she can't be the one to do it.

Anyway, I'll leave it at that and try the go to start.

Thanks again for your input.

Hi @Faith-and-Hope,

Thanks so much for you message. Sorry to hear you've been dealing with issues also.

Like your said, a carer's mental health is so important also. Looking after someone with these problems is unbelievably draining and relentless, which is why I need to find alternative arrangements for my mums sake.

Again, thanks so much and I'll keep looking into it.

👍 @sims .....

Hi Sims, I have recently been diagnosed with the same disorder and I am trying to understand this myself if I am honest... I am older than your brother and up until last year I was under the same impression, that I was fine and there is nothing at all wrong with me so it must be everyone else or so I thought. I also have siblings, who I love dearly, but we just do not feel the same and need or desire the same relationship as someone without the disorder, or so I am told but as I have always felt this way it is difficult for me to say.

For example, in my 20’s I lived 15min down the road from my brother and did not see him for 4 years, not that I did not want to see him or talk to him, I just didn’t have the desire or the want. It also shows I have had the disorder most of my life and that must have taken a toll on my friends and family which I was completely unsympathetic to, or unaware of. It is not that I cut them out of my life, I just do not feel the need for them to be involved in it or not.

I also spent a lot time looking for faults in people so that could back up my own logic without even understanding why, this is not to say I was hurtful towards other people... in fact I do not even care what they think most of the time as I would rather be on my own, doing my own thing. However, looking back at it now it was the downfall of many relationships, family, romantic and professionally and this would mostly happen when I was questioned about my actions or moods, as a defence mechanism I think, I’d tell everyone their faults or turn everything on them, made no difference to me if this upset them and I would retreat back into my own space and be fine once I felt in control or safe again. A simple word, a simple action could make me feel like it was an attack, and I would respond in kind, not physically, but mentally although to the recipient there is not a difference, both can be as scary as each other and please do not think I am not condoning actions I am just attempting to give you more information from someone with SzPD.

I am currently on medication, and therapy which is changing my outlook so I can look at things from another’s perspective, does not change the way I feel but does help alter my responses and actions, and the medication helps with depression and other effects of the disorder of which there are many. The catalyst for this was my wife threatening to leave me and me agreeing, in part to have some peace, to see the GP and a therapist, I honestly wish now, I would have gone sooner.

If I could suggest one thing is getting him to talk to someone, it really has helped me although I still have a long way to go, but it is the right direction.

Wish you and your family all the best and hope he can get the help he needs.

M