Just Diagnosed

Hi There. I was dumped by my 4 year partner at the start of this year for what I assumed was no reason. I thought he was the most amazing person on this planet - although he treated me badly, I didn't want to be alone. After he walked out, I was a compete mess - I had moved to another state to be with him and now had no where to live and no support network. I soon met someone else (as you do with BPD and get all the butterflies). I decided to speak with someone as I was tired of a lifetime of emptiness, pain, substance abuse, confusion and was diagnosed with BPD. My new partner knows all about it and is so amazing. Some days I wake up and have no idea why I am with him, and push away. I am in a constant battle with myself - pushing and pulling him. I'm tired and over the roller coaster. I am very successful in my career and finding the symptoms reducing now in my 30s but everyday just pray I can be happy with him and myself. He is not your typical 'good looking' cool guy but makes me feel more amazing and relaxed than ever before. My friend and family don't accept him which makes me trigger more - it's so hard, I'm so tired but have to keep working. I hope one day I wake up happy and stay that way for at lease 48 hours. I want to stop thinking about my ex and why he abondoned me and give my new guy everything he deserves....