Yeah @Princessmolly .... sounds like he's being a bit of a j**k .... but they often are .... I think this is when we really start to out-grow them .... and they either grow up a bit themselves and get with the plot ... or they don't ...
Probably what you need to work out is whether you are better off without him ... and whether you can actually manage without him .... I am guessing staying where you are while your little one needs so much if your attention, and you can do everything by yourself ... is the best plan in the moment .... but see what a counsellor tells you ....
If you do join a mother's group it will give you some solidarity amongst other women ... and it is likely you will see how many other women are faced with exactly the same sort of partner you have .... you can see a bit what they do to manage ... and how they think it will go long-term.
I think a lot of guys just don't know what to do in terms of supporting their partner emotionally when things get tough with young kids ... like "where's the instruction manual for the woman ? where's the instruction manual for the kid ?" .... don't know how it works so they build themselves a little emotional fort there and lob "don't cares" or "you're doing it all wrong" or "I dunno .... you're the mother ... you work it out ... mine had to ... " over the top of their walls ....
It helps to get practical. If he's not going to get on board properly, then work out what his usefulness is, and work with that for now. Set yourself up to manage as best you can, then send him out to get more nappies when you run out and can't get to the shop. Ask him to check on the dinner on the stovetop. Ask him to answer the phone ... cos you're busy ... and if he wants to take over with the little one while you do everything else ... he's welcome .... !!
It means operating like you're work colleagues in this, at least for the moment, and draw emotional support from girlfriends, family (if they are caring relationships) and health professionals including your child nurse. Go for counselling yourself. Leave him on the back-burner but take the facility from the relationship that you need to manage yourself and your little one.
You might find that independence from inside the relationship wakes him up a bit . It's actually writing on the wall, cos if you can be this independent from inside the relationship, then as soon as your tot grows a bit older and you have the chance for financial independence, you will be able to walk out ....
Relationships can recover from the emotional dryness, but to start with you have to either find a way to reconnect with him emotionally in a supported way (counselling ?) or disconnect emotionally from him for now and connect with others instead. The way things are, his lack of emotional support is too taxing on you.
You can step back without walking out yet .... it's the step in between ...
I hope that helps. Be brave. Take care of you ... 🌷💜
