YouAreNotAloneSenior Contributor
When you saw your hometown burn - but you don't live there any more
Hello all,
This is probably a bit of a more unusual post but I'm wondering if anyone can relate.
So, last year, I went back home to visit my mum. I grew up on the south coast of NSW, and it will always be my home. Unfortunately, while I was there, I also got caught in the Black Summer bushfires. We had to evacuate, as falling, burning leaves fell from the sky--and only a few streets away, my neighbours lost everything. I watched my town burn; and as soon as the roads were clear, I made the trip back to where I currently live--far, far away.
It's so jarring to have been thrust into that trauma, and go home where there's no danger. It took me weeks to leave my house: I was terrified the tree in my back yard would catch fire, my home would burn, and I'd lose everything.
Even now, I feel so separated from my community. I went through the trauma, but none of the healing together . . . I feel isolated. Like I've missed out on that time to work through what we experienced together. Like I didn't "really" experience it, because I don't live there any more.
I know now almost a year has passed. Green shoots are growing everywhere . . . but in my head, it's all still burning.
It's a very isolating feeling; feeling like I won't get any kind of solace until I can see with my own eyes that it's not burning any more.
I miss my home and my family so much. I feel very much like an outsider.
Can anyone else relate to this? How do you cope?
For me . . . I'm just trying to tell myself to be gentle. That my experiences count. That it's not still burning. That i'm not any lesser because I don't live there . . . and that it will be okay.
