Is there a condition that causes someone to not be able to move on from situations? *Trigger warning - suicidal thoughts*

@veruca_boi I can't comment on your housemate or what may be driving him, but I can tell you about my partner.

He has bipolar, ptsd and aspergers and has not moved on from anything for the last 15 years.

If everything (and I mean everything) does not go exactly as his sense of right and wrong dictates then it becomes a "thing". That thing is then added to the list of things that he bangs on about every time something else happens.

So if, for example, the gp's receptionist sends him an email which isn't perfectly worded he will feign misunderstanding and take it to mean exactly the oposite of what any rational person would just accept as the true meaning

... well we talk about how incompetent she is for a bit then move onto run ins he's had with government departments because of their incompetence and then it will be someone who abused him for parking in the wrong place at his unit complex 5 years ago which then brings up everything everyone at the complex has done for the last decade... and so on ....

I've learnt not to bring home anything that might of gone wrong at work. I do a lot of submissions to local government and might casuallly mention some paperwork was rejected because of an inocuous typo and I had to do it again... then we have a good hour on how my boss should be sueing them for all the money he's lost because we have to jump though so many hoops to get the right boxes ticked for approvals... right down to acting out the court case where he is both the QC doing the questioning and the happless government employee trying to respond to the crafty questions... I kid you not.

I have given up trying to explain that the real world doesn't work like that, because he thinks it should.

Life is never dull, but the repetition can be really exhausting.

He can't accept that the system is not perfect, and wants to fight until things are changed,

yep - he spends hours and hours every week arguing with the power company or the ISP about stuff that remains unresolved (in his mind) since July of LAST year or the kicker, a custody order that gave him 50% of time with his boys 15 years ago but he doesn't have them 50% of the time any more. They are almost adults and driving cars and sleeping wherever they want.. it is not their mother making them spend more time with her... omg don't get me started on all the stuff he won't let go of with her....

I'm like you.. I pick my battles and do my best to accommodate the red tape for the sake of a life without drama.

if you find the solution please let me know x

Hi @SJT63

Thanks for your reply. It really makes me feel not alone. I guess one of the differences here, though (and this is TOTALLY not intended to sound like yours is not as bad as mine, so PLEASE don't take it that way), is that our issues relate to our day-to-day life, not just my work life or anything like that. It relates to the units being built next door to us, and how the developer keeps going against the VCAT orders and so forth... it relates to the Victorian Ombudsman seeming to not take our complaint seriously ... it relates to the way we have been treated by everyone we go to for help making us lose trust in just about everyone ...

Today, for example, I had to call Victorian Ombudsman just to find out why they rang me yesterday instead of emailing me. I understand why my housemate is saying the things he is saying, and I agree with a lot of it, but it's the fact that it is constant that gets me. I'm currently on forced leave from work (too much leave built up, dammit), and instead of spending the time going op shopping or visiting family and friends, or just taking a break from everything, I am preparing a VCAT application which is due tomorrow, I am calling people to find out what is being done about our complaints, etc.

I know that your partner and my housemate are not trying to make us feel bad, or to affect us. They are trying to fight for what they feel is right ... but I really hope someone can offer a solution, because I really don't know how much more I can take. I'm glad you posted though, because you are making me feel like I'm not alone, and if you can get through it, I should be able to as well, so thank you for sharing your story, I REALLY appreciate it.

@veruca_boi

defs not a competition.. that's one of the things I really like about this forum; no-one plays the "my life is harder than yours" card because the thing is, trauma isn't really quantifiable. What makes one person terrified or furious or exhausted is not the same for anyone. The feelings are real and valid whatever the cause or wether you can identify or not.

I quite enjoy public speaking and I'm terrified of parking the car if anyone's watching. Horses for courses.

In my job, I deal with statutory building authorities all over Australia. Victoria is the most despotic, the most ignorant and hardest to get any sense out of. They act like little demi-gods and want to watch us jump through one flaming hoop after another until, finally, they decide they've run out of hoops and give us the approval on the first set of documents that they rejcted in August. Just saying...

and yes, I agree a lot of the time with the moral stance Mr S takes on things, but I also know that if I don't pay my bill the power will be cut off, regardless of the supplier making a small billing error which remains unresolved.

I know that the flying club is not going to ban a particular member from the Christmas party for being nasty to my partner a few weeks ago, even if I feel they should. The club president has to appease everyone, not just bend to the will of one member every time he doesn't get his own way.

So yeah, I know you are going to do everything within your power to resolve this situation in the most favourable way for you and your housemate. I know that you are going up against a juggernaut of power and money and shear bloody mindedness and that you may get a compromise but you won't get everything you want.

I know that if they don't meet all your demands, reasonable or not, then you will be treated as if you have failed completely despite the fact that there may have been some improvements.

You will know you are in the right, but in the real world that isn't always the bottom line and living with someone who doesn't get that is exhausting and deflating and frustrating and does nothing for one's own self confidence.

My life is pretty ok right now. We had a really bad 4 months but finally meds are adjusted, new meds introduced and he has settled back down to "normal" - which is still stressful at times, but not consistently agressive or violent as it had become. If you search my posts.. look for one called "how was your weekend".. .I think... or something like that... it will make your toes curl. We are thankfully not living like that any more.

"if you can get through it, I should be able to as well"

you are already getting through it without any comparison to anyone here, you are strong and brave and persistent and whatever the outcome it will be a victory for your strength of character, regardless of whether your housemate is happy or not.

Good luck

S x

ps.. I wish I was on forced leave.

Man .. I really feel sorry for you and your hubby 😞 At least my housemate can get distracted. Today we went op shopping and he barely spoke about anything, and stayed calm the whole day.

Also, when I say forced leave, I'm only taking 3 days off this week. I've put in 1 day a week here and there to get my leave down. And believe me, with everything going on, I'd rather work as that is an escape for me.