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Different perspective on behaviours and illness.

PowderfingerSenior Contributor03 Nov 2020, 4:53 pm AEDT

Different perspective on behaviours and illness.

I no longer believe in separating behaviours from illness. Quite frankly, it's still a choice. The behaviours and actions are still a choice. I no longer believe in buts either. No buts for behaviours and actions being chosen.

I've had more than I should of taken throughout my life to finally understand and believe that regardless of illness, these are choices that are made. To say that they are not aware, nor in their right mind is another thing I no longer believe in nor accept.

I've spent 34 years of my life being abused every single day of my life. I've reached the point where I will never be friends, nor in an intimate relationship with anyone whom is not taking full responsibility for themselves, their life, their problems and their illness.

I feel quite fine with these choices. I've had experiences with people over a significant time period to see that it is possible to be done. All of them I held in such high regard and they even inspired me. I do not dismiss struggles, nor am I stupid. Life, comes with work and no doubt they worked hard.

I'm not interested in anyone that has no interest in doing that and chooses to use domestic violence and blames it on their illness.

People say oh, that is not the real them. It is their illness. Absolute rubbish and lies. Track records speak volumes. There is so much brainwashing going on for partners, friends, family and carers to put up with things they shouldn't be putting up with, because oh they are mentally ill.

The thing is I'm mentally ill too. I was not born like that. My diagnosis is a result of severe traumas experienced over 34 years. Sure, I make mistakes. I'm human. I do not choose to go out and deliberately do it. I do not cause such mayhem and havoc that will ultimately determine awful results for another person.

So, no I do not feel bad, guilty or responsible for the outcomes of my decisions and what's right for me now. The answer is simply no. People will always judge. I'm not going to let that stop me from doing what is good and right for me and my life.

My priorities in life are to keep me safe, to enjoy whatever is left of my life with no abuse present, to have people in my life of my choosing, to stop being sorry for being straight about a difficult topic and to keep saying no to people that will never work for me.

I owe no one any explanation.

4 replies

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In response to: Different perspective on behaviours and illness.

FindingStrengthSenior Contributor04 Nov 2020, 12:54 am AEDT

Re: Different perspective on behaviours and illness.

I hear you & am feeling a bit like that too right now. Yes my daughter has trauma & diagnoses, that isn't a free pass to be consistently abusive & project everything onto me. As a result of constant stress & copping abusive behaviours, I now have a diagnosis myself & will be on a slow road to recovery.

In the course of my life I made mistakes, have treated people badly at times & when I became fed up with relationships being destroyed & feeling miserable I made the very very hard work to change. Yes it is possible, not easy & not fast, still possible. If I could have one wish granted, it would be that each person finds ability for self responsibility (Response Ability)....

In response to: Different perspective on behaviours and illness.

Filly24New Contributor09 Nov 2020, 10:37 pm AEDT

Re: Different perspective on behaviours and illness.

Hi! I feel like you are speaking what's been on my mind for a while now, but maybe I'm in a bit of denial about the reality of the situation. I have come to the realisation that my marriage is dying, however because my DH has mental illness, I feel as though it's not fair on him to bring up any issues at the moment as he doesn't have (or chooses not to?) the capacity to deal with it. A friend pointed out recently that he is in denial. And this can be used as a coping mechanism to avoid reality of the situation while he deals with his other issues. I am so very frustrated.

In response to: Re: Different perspective on behaviours and illness.

PowderfingerSenior Contributor15 Dec 2020, 2:22 am AEDT

Re: Different perspective on behaviours and illness.

@FindingStrength

I'm sorry for this late response. I was not notified there was a response. Im sorry you have a diagnosis too as a result. No it was never ok and is still not ok. With a broken system, broken people and just generally no response ability as you put it, being taken from anyone or by anyone, hope is no longer a place to be or a thing to feel. Please take care of yourself.

In response to: Re: Different perspective on behaviours and illness.

PowderfingerSenior Contributor15 Dec 2020, 2:31 am AEDT

Re: Different perspective on behaviours and illness.

@Filly24

Sorry I only saw this till now. I did not get a notification there was a response. All I can say is do not deny what you become aware of only to go back into denial of what you feel. You cannot be in denial of what you are not aware of though. From someone who has paid a massive price in what I thought was going to go the distance, and Is left with insurmountable hurt, please do not stay in a marriage that you truly do not see working out and that you have lost all hope. Look closely at you.

Can you handle staying longer and working through it, for his benefit that he does not lose it and is not able to cope? If he was in a better place, would he be able to cope then?

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