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Want to end relationship with toxic partner

DallasCasual Contributor16 Oct 2020, 12:07 am AEDT

Want to end relationship with toxic partner

Hi all,

Have never done anything like this before or seeked counselling in my entire life. Never suffered from mental health or depression but the past 4 years my partner has made me feel like an unworthy human. He has been dragged through court by his ex lost his kids & his home. yes he's had it tough I Have been there 100% but now I seem to be the target of his hate. He is emotionally abusive, has depression, bio polar and 0 motivation to do anything. He calls me Satan then tells me I'm too sensitive when I tell him not to talk to me this way. Covid we have lost our jobs & had to move. His angry is at his worst even red traffic lights cop it from him. It's insane and I dont like him even feel hate and resentfulness. Now I feel trapped as he won't leave yet I have no money to leave. Tried to get counselling but it cost so much. How do I set boundaries for a mental abusive man that does not care he blames the medication he is on for depression but it just feels like excuses for bad behaviour. I need advice cause I am done crying over this useless excuse for a man. Try to talk to him but it gets twisted and some How I become the mental and controlling person according to him. I feel like I am slowly going insane from his constant negativity and disgusting behaviours. I have told him I want to leave then he tells me he will harm himself and it will be all my fault. Need advice desperately on how to leave this man?

11 replies

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In response to: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

jalloContributor16 Oct 2020, 1:32 am AEDT

Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

That sounds like a terrible & impossible situation to be in. I’m so glad you found this safe place to reach out. I just googled government domestic violence help because I don’t know where you are, but you can get practical help from people who understand how awful this is. No one deserves to be treated like that. I hope you’re out of there soon. https://www.google.com/search?safe=off&rlz=1CDGOYI_enAU680AU680&hl=en-US&sxsrf=ALeKk00ek142xt06M6XH8PBlMm8LfS7Hhg%3A1602771828404&ei=dFuIX-KXGOXZz7sP4sOm2AI&q=domestic+violence+government&oq=domestic+violence+government&gs_lcp=ChNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwEAMyBQgAEMkDMgIIADICCAAyAggAMgIIADICCAAyAggAMgYIABAWEB46BAgjECc6CggAELEDEIMBEEM6BwgAELEDEEM6BQgAELEDOgcIIxDJAxAnOg0IABCxAxCDARDJAxBDOgQIABBDOgoIABDJAxAUEIcCUNAkWL5EYIBOaABwAHgAgAGjAogB8BWSAQUwLjcuNpgBAKABAcABAQ&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp#ip=1

In response to: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

jalloContributor16 Oct 2020, 1:35 am AEDT

Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

Maybe start here https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/individuals/subjects/family-and-domestic-violence. At the bottom of the screen there’s a big green ‘QUICK EXIT’ button you can hit if he comes over & it instantly switches to a blank google screen.

In response to: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

Zoe7Senior Contributor16 Oct 2020, 7:37 am AEDT

Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

Hey @Dallas I would firstly like to etend a warm welcpome to the forum. You have shown great courage to reach out here and tell us part of your story. Much like you I had nowhere to go and no-one to help in a similar situation. The financial barrier to both services and moving is indeed a massive challenge. I would encourage you to reach out to your GP as you may very well qualify for a Mental Health Care Plan of your own and subsidised (even bulk billed) psych sessions. I would also strongly encourage you contacting 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) They are a free service that deals with violence and abuse and can provide both emotional and practical help.

Good luck with everything @Dallas It is not an easy road to take but knowing that this relationship is toxic and you want to leave is the a massive realisation ...and I very much hope that you can find your way through and out quickly.

In response to: Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

Zoe7Senior Contributor16 Oct 2020, 4:35 pm AEDT

Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

Good afternoon @Dallas Checking in to see how you are travelling today

In response to: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

AnielaSenior Contributor17 Oct 2020, 9:22 pm AEDT

Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

Hi @Dallas

Sorry to hear you are going through such a traumatising experience. Nobody deserves to be treated with abuse. Please reach out to 1800 RESPECT who can help you with this.

From my experience with mental abuse, no matter how much I put up boundaries it didn't make them respect me. You say he blames his behaviour on his medication or illness. Being abusive isn't a mental illness. Choosing to make up excuses for being abusive and blaming on a condition is appalling. I predict he is saying this so you feel sorry for him and have sympathy and understanding for his behaviour. Then you will let him get away with it. Unfortunately that can sometimes be a tactic for manipulation. I don't know your situation but in my experience when mental abuse is happening, they make excuses for their behaviour and make you doubt your experience. If your self esteem is going down since being with him then that is a red flag.

In response to: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

jalloContributor17 Oct 2020, 9:32 pm AEDT

Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

Just sending you some good thoughts @Dallas , hope you're ok

In response to: Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

DallasCasual Contributor25 Oct 2020, 2:42 am AEDT

Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

Thank you for your message. You are absolutely correct. I am slowly reaslsing this, my self is low and I do feel sorry for him cause he is totally .manipulating me. I try to stand up for my self and I get told I'm too sensitive. I have reached out to 1800respect his behaviour is not acceptable. Trying to take care of myself seems to piss him off like I have to be avaiable 100% of the time for him but reversed he is not there for me. Trying to leave is proving impossibel

In response to: Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

DallasCasual Contributor25 Oct 2020, 2:45 am AEDT

Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

In response to: Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

PowderfingerSenior Contributor28 Oct 2020, 12:48 am AEDT

Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

@Dallas keep calling 1800 respect and talking as many times as you need to. I did this last year. I was in the exact same position, with the exact same things going on. Screw his bi polar diagnosis. The police did apply for a DVO to the courts on my behalf and I was successful. I was in a lot of danger.

Get out when you can. He will keep manipulating you, he will keep telling you he will take his life, he will keep telling you lots of junk. Don't fall for it. He actually won't. Once you have left, he will find his new victim, claim to be gloriously in love and happy, but that is a lie too. He can never be happy. You do not lose your kids for no good reason. Don't make anymore excuses for his pitiful and despicable behaviour and choices. It is NOT THE BI POLAR doing this, IT IS HIM

I'm sorry for your situation and thanks for reaching out here.

In response to: Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

DallasCasual Contributor11 Dec 2020, 12:51 am AEDT

Re: Want to end relationship with toxic partner

Thank you for your message. I now have a counsellor that calls once a week & it is really helping. Still stuck in my living situation but am now just staying out of his way, do my own thing, do pretty much nothing with him. I feel so sad & lost cause it feels so pathetic to be in this situation at. My age but lack of money unfortunately is a factor. He still rants & blames me for everything & uses his bio polar & depression as excuses but I remove myself & try my best to not react nor take what he says in. He is now sleeping in the spare room which is good. I feel so stupid being with this man, a man that could care less about me. I have distant myself from him & now he tell me i am not the woman he fell in love and apparently I have no soul. Whatever I try to ignore & remove myself. I find He is leaving me alone more & more. He just watches tv & on Facebook most days doesn't contribute 2 housework or provide financially pays half the rent & that's about it. I am just saving & trying to get a job so I can move out cause he is refusing to leave.

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