New to bi polar

29 have 3 kids, a partner, a dog blah blah and have just recently been re diagnosed with bp1. I say re diagnosed as the first time came after a suicide attempt and when i came out of the low it was straight back to manic (caused by the AD) and then decided i could manage bp with any meds and thought i was successful up until 6 months ago where life fell apart, i decided to see a psychiatrist and have been on meds for 3 months. I guess im looking for some form of community and friends as i know no one with the condition. I tend to keep it to Myself as i dont want to be viewed any differently. My whole life ive struggled with self medicating, alcohol and smoking mainly but also street drugs lately just to feel something. I feel so alone. With not much support around me and no else that i can truly discuss things with ive turned to these forums and a community that understands without prejudices. I think part of my psychosis is paranoia so you can understand its hard for me to discuss Without cronic overthinking and over analyzing every little thing in life. My meds help it but its always there bubbling under the surface. Will i ever get a point in life where this pyscosis shit ends?