Some support please

Hey @all_difficult.

Welcome to the forums and thanks so much for sharing what is happening for you, that's really brave. I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through and that your sense of safety is being jeopardised at the moment.

You'll find lots of support, connection, and information here. Please ask us moderators or other members any questions you have, the Community Guidelines can also be pretty handy for understanding how it all works.

See you around 🌻

@all_difficult he has no mandated time with his son.

Is it a possibility to pack up,.leave your life and start over. No forwarding address, change your number, get a new email address and change all your social media. I realise it will be uprooting your son's life. Do not tell anyone that will tell him things.

Sometimes it's what needs to be done.

There is that option or keep trying to deal with the system. I'm sorry you are hurting.

That was my option of packing up and leaving but the court proceedings took so long to complete that in the meantime my son developed very good friendships with school and his sports that I'm reluctant for him to start that all over again. He would easily make friends again - but he takes a long time to trust anyone and it is that (not having the trust) which would make him 'empty' until that trust is built up. That is my view as I myself fit in that category as well - but for me I haven't had trust with anyone for a very long time. One thing that did take my mind off everything going on yesterday was looking over real estate pages of where I will go to once his schooling is completed which is in another 3 years. The very long battle has certainly taken its toll whilst the ex husband just keeps using any avenue he can have to throw allegations at me. If they had any substance he could take legal action. All I know is that I still fear getting him angry as I know he will eventually cause physical harm to me or my son again.

I feel my best course is just avoid situations where he could be at - which is sad for my son. Yesterday my son was disappointed I didn't go to the game. He is not happy that his dad turns up and that I didn't go yesterday and missed his achievements. My son has told me he doesn't want his father there, my son makes it very clear he doesn't want to go talk to his dad and the father makes no attempt to go and talk to him. My son's counsellor told me a few years ago to leave (with the son) and change my name - clearly there were things my son disclosed to her that made her feel that would be for the best.

Fortunately I'm not on social media - I knew he would use that to track me.

@all_difficult

Welcome to the forums.

I’m really sorry you are going through all this, after all you have already gone through.

I’m also sorry your daughter is doing what she is doing. You must feel dreadful.

Do you see a counsellor yourself ? Sometimes they know what strings to pull to help.

I’m sorry I’m not more helpful, I will tag @eth and @Appleblossom @Faith-and Hope , they might have some information.

Take care of yourself.

Hi @all_difficult it's great that you have reached out to us here. I'm sorry I couldn't respond sooner as I've had a very hectic week myself. Unfortunately it sounds like your ex is working the situation to unnerve you deliberately in a way that you feel somewhat stalked without him actually breaking any laws. He sounds like a narcissist to me (worth a google if you want to know more about that kind of person). They are masters of creating impressions in the community that bear no resemblance to who they are in private reality. I've been in that situation and feel for you strongly, particularly with the dv that has happened to you. I also had a long drawn out court case. I think you are doing the right thing in avoiding being in the same place as him. I don't know how old your son is - you said 3 more years at school so I'm imaging him to be around 14. Possibly old enough for you to have a good talk with him about how his father's presence is disturbing you. A real shame that the ex has a hold on your daughter. I'm guessing she's older. I do believe that when she matures more she will see thru' your ex and reach out to you again, but it's so difficult to get thru' those years and have to let go of her in a way. By the way I'm just talking from my own experience and hope I don't cause any further upset for you. There are many of us who care deeply and will offer you support if you can be patient with us. We all have our own challenges to manage too. I'm tagging @CheerBear and @Appleblossom @Bunniekins and @Faith-and-Hope in case any of you want to join this discussion. And @Snowie @Hamsolo01 @NatureLover @BPDSurvivor @Maggie @Teej @Dadcaringalone @WriterMelb @jem80 @outlander @Shaz51 @Judi9877 @frog @Faith-and-Hope our wonderful community guides in case you can suggest people, threads or resources that might be helpful for @all_difficult .

@all_difficult if you want to respond or post to a particular person on the forums then type @ followed by the name you want and you'll get a drop-down box where you can click on that name.

Remember to self-care and go gently with yourself @all_difficult

Dear @all_difficult .... I haven't experienced the physical abuse, but the emotional abuse from my soon2bX, who is ticking every NPD box there is, is through the roof ...... and coming at me through legal letters too. I can't believe they allow what they do into be written !!!

I feel for you, and hope the situation begins to settle for you. My kids are somewhat duped by my s2bx's pity plays, and the lies he tells, but I am a firm believer in the truth making its way forward over time. Meanwhile I have gone as low-contact as I can. I understand completely you not wanting to go to your son's game under those circumstances. Maybe find someone to go with you to the next one ?